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Do you have issues with your step children???? : (

i recently had a ear full regarding my step children... i hear they talk mess about me to their mother. im never really even around them. but when i am, around them i bite my tongue, im very cordial towards them. the 20 year old always fights/argues with my 9 year old... but no one says anything... im getting annoyed with their attitudes for no reason etc. etc. sometimes their so nice and then sometimes they are a mess... i dont try to be their mother, they dont call me mom or anything... not trying to do anything extra but they talk about me.... its hurtful because i do my very best to be a good person for them and my daughter,,, what would you do???

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rosesrred1

Asked by rosesrred1 at 1:47 PM on Aug. 10, 2012 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,977 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • They are acting immatrely and probably (invaladly) hold you as responsible for their parents not being toether.
    Or they may be torn because their mother wants to hear trash about you and the feed it to her.
    I am sure you have spoken to your DH.
    I am not suggesting you run away but you and your daughter might just be busy in another area of the house or have errands to run when they are there, at least some of the time.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:52 PM on Aug. 10, 2012

  • thank fully they both live out of town.... with their mother and one is in college. i do believe they want their mom with their dad, but thats not how it worked out.
    rosesrred1

    Comment by rosesrred1 (original poster) at 1:54 PM on Aug. 10, 2012

  • How long have you been married to their father? What does he say about it? Its uncalled for and disrespectful!

    I've never met my step-daughter and my step-son has shunned his father ever since he learned about his father's and my marriage. Their relationships with their father is finally on the mend after a year and half. I don't think about it for myself but I know it has caused my husband so much pain. I try and stay positive for him. DH's son is 18 and living with his mother and his daughter is 21 and in college. My DH supports them both with private school for the son and college for the daughter. I guess they still have very hard feelings over their parents divorce and are taking it out on their father.

    It was hard for me to support my children in receiving a step-brother (their dad's wife's son). These things take time. I hope your situation gets better. Don't take it personally, talk to their father.
    HHx5

    Answer by HHx5 at 2:01 PM on Aug. 10, 2012

  • Let it go. I don't have stepkids, but my husband is a stepdad to my oldest 3 kids and I grew up with a stepdad. Kids get angry with their parents just like they get angry with step parents. Set fair ground rules at your house and enforce them, but don't worry about their opinion of you, it will change over time. I disliked my stepdad quite a bit the first few years my mom and he were married, but now I know he's a wonderful man and was a wonderful father to me, couldn't have wished for a better one!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:03 PM on Aug. 10, 2012

  • Well my SD is 29 & has 3 kids of her own. Even tho they don't live far away, we don't see them that much. It's kind of a strange relationship. Lord knows we've tried. My biggest issue is w/ the baby daddy she's hooked up with. I'd rather spit at him than look at him & that's being nice. :/
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 2:32 PM on Aug. 10, 2012

  • There's a good chance it's their mom who is pulling out the gossipy things they are saying about you. Kids will do that to win favor with a parent. Best thing is just to ignore it and keep acting cordial and polite. They are probably jealous of your child and are afraid their dad will favor them even though it's in their heads only. As others have said, it takes time to settle in and get used to (and not be threatened) by new family members.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 7:03 PM on Aug. 10, 2012

  • Don't take it personal,just do what you think is right.
    Sarah961

    Answer by Sarah961 at 8:24 PM on Aug. 10, 2012

  • The bad behavior is their issue. Don't take it personally so that way you don't make it your issue. I have a similar situation but I'm the ex wife and get talked about like dirt. I live 3 states away! I never speak to them yet they still badmouth me to my grown children. My kids are smart enough to tell them they don't want to hear it or get involved. I take it as ignorance. I don't value their opinion of me so their petty words don't hurt me. However, in your situation I would step in if the 20 yr old fights with a 9 yr old. If they are talking smack about you anyway, it doesn't hurt to step in and tell the adult to cut the crap and act like an adult. Fighting with a 9 yr old makes the adult look 9, too.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:14 PM on Aug. 11, 2012

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