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How do I get over it?

My MIL is constantly monitoring our spending. I HATE it! MY husband and I do well for ourselves, have a lot of money in savings, pay all of our bills on time, etc. If she sees that I bought my kids a new outfit she gets upset and says we should have waited until there was a neighborhood garage sale. OK, I can appreciate that...to an extent. If we eat out and she hears about it she gets upset. So, I asked my husband not to tell his mom the amount of our return. She will want to tell us how to spend it. He told her anyways. I am very upset with him because I feel like he just went over my head. I dont feel like it was too much to ask him to tell her "thats really none of your business." I feel like I am getting overly upset about this but I thought about it all day (she told me she knew about it last night) and I am still upset. Am I over reacting? Should I just not say anything to him?

 
LovinEveryDay

Asked by LovinEveryDay at 6:12 PM on Feb. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Allow me to be very blunt and honest with you OK sweetie? You need to get your MIL out of your marriage before she destroys it. She may mean well but you will only be able to withstand her intruding into your personal life and undermining your decisions for so long. Money is the #1 thing couples fight over and to have three people fighting over it in a relationship is three too many. That money belongs between the two of you and what you do with it is your business. What he did demonstrated his preference to his mother's opinions and feelings over yours. You don't recall her taking your marriage vows on your wedding day did you? Even if he didn't mean to, he was disrespectful to you. You need to talk to him about it or things will never change and you'll risk harboring a grudge against him and his mother.  HE needs to talk to her and let her know that enough is enough.

    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 6:50 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • You are not over reacting. Your finances are your own personal business and how you invest your money is your choice. Thank her for her concern but tell her you both have decided what you think is best for your income.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:16 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • yes you have every right to be upset, he went behind your back and deliberately went against your wishes. he may not see it as a big deal, but you do. you need to talk to him about it (calmly) and explain why you are upset, and get him on the same page as you. afterward, have him talk to his mother about telling you how to spend YOUR money. you are both adults, and can take care of YOUR OWN finances
    and yes you are over reacting a little
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 6:18 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Heck no! My hub does the same thing and it pisses me off! We have lived on our own for almost 4 yrs and she still try to tell us what to do with our money and lol this is FUNNY we switched cable comp. and my FIL got sooooo MAD! I was like WTF!! Im fed up with it too!! Tell your hubby if he wants to share what he spends he needs to ask his mother.
    pinkanfgrl

    Answer by pinkanfgrl at 6:20 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Your husband should have respected your wishes about not telling her the amount of the return, as long as you explained your feelings to him and he agreed that he understood and agreed. If he didn't agree, then my feeling is that he should still have respected your feelings and not told her. As far as her advice, smile and thank her and do what you want. She may feel that it is her duty to advise you. So for the sake of family harmony, let her feel important, let her feel that she is doing her duty. Take a breath and learn so that when the time comes you know to hold your tongue when your children seem to be spending unwisely. LOL!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 6:20 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • what she spends
    pinkanfgrl

    Answer by pinkanfgrl at 6:21 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • I'm not sure how to say it to her, but I'd have to tell her that although you appreicate saving money, that it's your family's choice on how to spend your money and sometimes it's nice to just splurge.
    Likely she asked your hubby how much it was and he didn't lie so, poor guy is caught up in the middle but he does need to tell her that you're responsible people and that so far you're doing good with making your decsions but you appreicate that you know you can go to her and ask for financial advice when needed.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:21 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • UGH! I know how you feel. My MIL doesn't flat out tell us how we should spend our money, but if she visits and sees something new she will ask and I will find myself feeling guilty about buying it(when I have no reason to feel guilty). I don't know how she does it! And then I get mad at myself for feeling I have to explain myself to her. For example, we are pregnant with our second, due in June, I took advantage of Target's anual clearance sales and bought a new infant seat since we needed one for the baby, of course she comes over and first thing was "Oh I see you bought another car seat" and to my own dismay I found myself justifying my purchase "Well it was on clearance and such a good buy..." I think this is her way of keeping some control over her son since she has no one in her life, but I feel your pain and you have every right to be upset.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • We NEVER splurg!! EVER! Splurging is taking the kids to McDonalds once every three months for us. A new outfit comes on sale from wal mart for $2. We have it under control. Shes just CHEAP. My FIL bought the kids candy canes from king soopers after xmas for 7cents a box! She got mad because she found them at the local consinment shop for free!
    LovinEveryDay

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 6:27 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • We bought our house one month before we got married. It was under my husband's credit but I contributed actual cash down towards the house while not using my own credit. (We didn't use my credit in case something should happen to his or the mortgage, we would have had my credit history to fall back on if we needed a loan or something). My MIL took this to mean that the house belonged solely to my DH and my name should not be on the mortgage or title until we were married. She even tried to go with us to the signing to make sure that he listened and did NOT put my name on there. Well, he put my name on there and one evening when she was telling everyone about "HIS house" (emphasizing "HIS" when talking about it) I corrected her. You've never seen someone so mad that her son didn't listen to her. To this day my feelings are extremely hurt over it. I had to tell her that her concern was appreciated but not appropriate.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Feb. 4, 2009