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Does anyone else have this problem with there kid?

My son is 11 yrs old, and doesn't understand the fact that he can't just do what he wants when he wants to. He just started middle school and is responsible for walking home to Grandma's house which is down the block, getting his homework done, and then walking back up the street to get his sister who is in first grade. (There schools are across the street from eachother.) And today I got a call from Grandma that he wasn't at her house yet, and school had been out for 30 min already! I called the school and he wasn't there. Now my DH & I both work fulltime, I work in town and DH out of town. But I get off at 4pm and pick them up by 4:15pm. He gets out of school at 1:55pm & DD gets out at 3:21pm so there's not much time for messing around.

Any help/suggestions will be appriciated.



Asked by A_Mom_Of_Two at 6:20 PM on Feb. 4, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (10)
  • Welcome to the tween phase whew. Had the same problem. I would suggest finding other ways to get DD home like walking with another kid or parent. As far as your son I would stress (and you could only be kidding) that after school child care programs do take 11 year olds.

    Answer by VaDivaMom at 8:45 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • If hes being irresponsible then someone is going to pick him up and your dd up and bring them to the grandmas. At 11 thats alot of responsibility and he wil be irresponsible because hes 11. Not to scare you but I had to go to juvenile court a few months ago to testify and a case before me was similar to what youre describing and the judge had NO PITY for the parents. I would make 100% sure the kids are going where they need to before a teacher gets into your business and says no ones picking him up and hes unattended. Can grandma not pick him and dd up?

    Answer by gemgem at 6:38 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Well Grandma doesn't really want to be bothered with picking them up. I've gone around and around with her regarding this issue. I've been trying to figure out an easier way for them to get from school, but being a full time working mom it's hard! Thanks for your advice I appreciate it!


    Answer by A_Mom_Of_Two at 6:58 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Maybe see if there are other parents who walk with there kids in the neighborhood who would be happy to keep an eye on him for you.

    I am a little concerned that Grandma doesn't want to be bothered picking him up if she is okay with watching him after school. Does Grandma let him do what ever he wants when he's at the house? If so, then that is not the place for either of your kids to go. I would look into after school programs that are offered on campus. Then you can pick him up yourself when you get off work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Is there a boy's and girl's club in your area? They are affordable, and reliable and would keep him out of trouble. They even have a homework program! Look into it. Then no one will feel obligated to pick anyone up if they really don't want to. It's frustrating, we don't have a lot of options for help with our children either, one time I thought I was gonna have my baby on the floor because I couldn't find anyone to take my kids or get a ride! We made it!lol When I was 11 I walked to school, a lot of kids did. I just wouldn't let him be responsible for anyone but himself because he is still a kid. Homework with our oldest is always a battle no matter what. We take away tv and video game priveleges, the only thing he cares about, or hanging out with friends. Hang in there, it'll work out!

    Answer by Steff107 at 9:14 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • Hire a teen to be a sitter. You can't expect that child to be fully responsible for your dd. That's just irresponsible on your part. You need to change your hours or get grandma off her butt and get the girl and let your son be a kid. YOU chose to have children. Make arrangements for them and quit making your son be your babysitter. That's just outrageous. Don't dump your job on his young shoulders. Good grief between you your husband and the grandmother there are THREE adults and you put the load on that boy. SHAME ON YOU. I think it's horrible how ppl think jobs are more important than caring properly for their children and their safety. What if someone kidnapped the girl or she got hit by a car, would you expect him to call an ambulance or the police for help and provide insurance for her care? That's just wrong on so many levels. I can't believe you are blaming him for this when it is clearly YOUR problem. Be a real MOM.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Now, Now Anonymous--the poster ahead of me. It is okay for you to feel that way. What ever happened to children being responsible. At the age of 11, they should already be somewhat responsible for some things and that includes walking the sibling home. If they aren't, they don't deserve the special privileges that you have given them. I would be concerned about what Grandma lets slide where your children are concerned. I am sure that you don't want any trouble with CPS. The above posters have some pretty good ideas. Good luck. (My time is coming when my oldest will be in Junior High.)

    Answer by dustbunny at 3:05 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Your plan would be okay if it was actually working! But it isn't.... Where does he go for all that time? He is probably just fooling around with friends or even just "dilly-dallying" because we can all remember being in school and a half hour of free time was so easy to waste! See if you can find someone who can sort of pick him up at school and take him to grandma's and then see if you can find someone to pick up your daughter and take her to grandma's. Too bad grandma won't just do it.....if it is easy enough for your son it would be easy enough for her. Is there an after school program in your district? I know, it can come down to money too.....but 11 is pretty young. And like I said, the current plan doesn't seem to be working, Maybe a small payment to your son for doing a job--like a dollar a day? He is doing a job you would have to pay someone else to do.

    Answer by BJoan at 9:26 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Answered at 9:21 PM on Feb. 4, 2009 by: Anonymous: I would expect such an answer from someone who is afraid to show who they really are by posting anonymously! Look I'm pretty sure that you are a SAHM, and have all the luxuries of being able to sit on your butt all day long watching soaps until your kids get out of school, but some of us have to work to be able to provide for our children. If it was just that easy to rearrange my work schedule I would, but it's not OBVIOUSLY! He is 11 yrs old & should be able to handle walking home from school, & back up to get his sister from school. He does not walk alone there are all kinds of kids that all walk together both from school and back up to pick up their younger siblings. Yes I chose to have kids, and by choosing to have kids I also chose to work so that they could have all the things they want/need!

    Answer by A_Mom_Of_Two at 11:11 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • I have looked into the after school programs that are offered by both of my kids schools, but since they are state funded programs my kids would have to stay every day for the full program which is until 6pm. They are both active in sports, plus there is no need for them to have to be there that late. Like I mentioned before I have argued a lot with Grandma about trying to get her to pick them up, she is VERY old school & doesn't see the need to have to pick them up when they are capable of walking home. I have taken some of the GOOD advice that was listed & try to use it. Thank you to everyone that had answers that could/would work! I appreciate it.


    Answer by A_Mom_Of_Two at 11:17 AM on Feb. 5, 2009