Do I have rights to adopt my bouns (step) son?

Hi ladies,

I'm new here and I'm glad I came across this site. I would like to ask for advice and hopefully you will be able to give me some advice. I (25) have been with my husband (DH 33) for 6.5 years and we have only been married a few months now (newly weds!). However, when I met my husband he told me he had a son (at the time his son was 2months old) and his son's birth mom (31, who has another son from a previous relationship and has no contact with him, he lives with his father in another state) was on drugs and not fit or in his son's life fully...just when it benfit her. I took the role of being his son's mother from day 1 I see him as our son and love him more than life itself, and we have been unsepratable since rising this little champ to our best ability. We own a small business and it's doing great - his son is now 6.5 years old and our big boy is going to 1st grade (boy how the days fly). My husband's son birth mom, got her act together this past year she married a jehovah witness man with a 10 year old son who lives with a sibling and calls her mom (she's known him no more than a year) and they just had a son together. She took my husband to court for custody- my husband and her spilt custody and has visitation every other weekend and she has to pay child support (but hasn't been working since the birth of her new child). She is now trying to bond with her bio. son (I want him to know who is real mom is) but everytime he comes home he says (bio. mom name) said she is my mommy and she tells me 5 times a day she carried me and you are not my mommy only my step mom cause you married daddy but that she was with daddy first and she is raising me with daddy not you etc. so, now when he goes down to their apartment (he does what he would like because she is trying to make up for loss time) he calls her mommy and her husband daddy. He stil calls me mommy, but my first question, how do I respond to the questions and tell him I'm not his mom but his stepmom (which is just a name becasue he is my son to me and I've always treated and raised him as such nothing less and I never will) I've been the only mom his ever known since infant until now? second, if possible...do I have any rights of some form of custody (my DH wants me to have some rights in case something ever happens to him God forbid)? If could please leave me your thoughts or some advice I'd really appreciate it...I feel like I have no control over the situation and I will lose my son to his bio. mom.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Aug. 15, 2012 in Adoption

Answers (9)

I dont think you can adopt him unless the mom has no custody rights but I would ask a lawyer. I am sorry she is forcing such pain on you and teaching him such bad habits but she is his mom too even though she hasnt been there she does have rights (whether she is right for what she does is another thing). I hope you get things situated!!!

Answer by supgrl87 at 2:52 PM on Aug. 15, 2012
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if his mom is in his life and has legal visitation, if something should happen to your husband- chances are you will loose all rights and get no visitation at all is she does not want to grant it to you. Step parents really have no legal rights unless the other bio signs rights over to you. I would look carefully at your laws.

Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 2:53 PM on Aug. 15, 2012
Credits: 102167 Level 38 Adoption 101

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She is his mom by right of birth and no you do not have any legal rights. You can not adopt him without her giving her consent giving up her rights which she is not going to do.

You tell him that His mommy had a lot of problems and could not care for him for a long time. You tell him his mommy is right that she is his mother and that does not change. But you married his daddy when he was a tiny baby just 2 months old and you raised him as your own little boy and have loved him as your own son because that is how you think of him and always will. You are his step mom but that is only a word. You are also his mom in your heart. And you hope that he will ove his mom and his other mom, pointing to yourself.

Answer by Dardenella at 2:54 PM on Aug. 15, 2012
Credits: 199783 Level 45 Adoption 101

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You can't adopt him unless she gives up her rights, which it doesn't sound like she would. As much as it hurts you, what she is telling him is technically right. And she's probably doing it because she feels bad about not being there, and probably a little jealous that you got to enjoy what she missed out on.

I would just tell him the truth: yes, she is his bio mom, and you are his stepmom. But just because you didn't give birth to him doesn't mean you love him any less and you will always be here for him, just as you always have been.

Answer by wendythewriter at 2:59 PM on Aug. 15, 2012
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Like the others have said, unless bio mom signs a TPR you cannot adopt. The courts will not take away her rights.

Answer by meooma at 4:08 PM on Aug. 15, 2012
Credits: 375223 Level 50 Adoption Minor

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Thank you ladies, I really needed to hear this. I appreciate you taking your time out of your day to answer my question!

Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:16 PM on Aug. 15, 2012
don't know

Answer by kewi86 at 8:55 PM on Aug. 25, 2012
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I was adopted and in kind of the same situation so i read up on it. You can't adopt him unless she signs over her rights or her rights get terminated. You can start talking to your son by telling him you love him and the explain it the best you can. try to stay on his level

Answer by luckyme1995 at 1:06 AM on Aug. 30, 2012
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I agree with Dardenella. Explain the situation to him.

Answer by booklover545 at 11:58 PM on Oct. 6, 2012
Credits: 104696 Level 38 Adoption 101

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