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why is my son so different at home?

My son has just turned 5 and has been going to preschool since he was 2. All of his teachers have considered him a 'social bug', one of the most well liked children, well behaved, athletic, the list goes on. At home, he is a glass-half-empty kind of guy. Always talking about how his little sister (3.5) or brother (1) have something he doesn't, acting out, running all over, falling apart when we try to discipline. We go out of our way to make sure he gets the most attention, letting him go first, stay up a little later than the others, mommy's big helper. Tonight we gave him a bubble bath by himself and then i stood my daughter in the tub and washed her and he cried because he wanted the short bath. How do I get my son to feel secure and loved without giving him the run of the house?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on Feb. 4, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I'd say give him the same rules, the same boundaries. He needs to know that he is not different than the others, that you love him just as much as you love them.

    Kids are weird. Getting special privilages doesn't always equate to "more love" or "best loved" in a child's mind. And even if it did, do you want the younger two to grow up knowing you don't love them as much as you love him?

    Kids need and crave rules, they need boundaries, without them, they feel out of control and unloved. He feels safe and secure with you, he knows you love him, which is why he will act badly around you. But he may very well wonder WHY he is treated differently. Give him the same rules. Tell him that this is the way things are now. See how he does.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 12:19 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • I noticed that my son is different at home also. He is 4 and in pre-K and at school he is great! He's the top of his class, well behaved and polite. But at home he is mean to his little brother and won't listen to a word I say! I'm at a loss also.... sorry!
    mominbolt

    Answer by mominbolt at 11:10 PM on Feb. 4, 2009

  • ALL CHILDREN FOR THE MOST PART ARE LIKE THIS. PPL TELL ME I HAVE "ANGELS" FOR CHILDREN WHERE I SEE LITTLE DEVILS LOL... I WOULD HAVE TO GUESS THAT THEY ARE JUST PUSHING OUR BUTTONS. THEY KNOW WHAT TO PUSH AND HOW TO MAKE US MISERABLE AND TO THEM I THINK IT IS FUNNY. THEY ARE ALSO COMFORTABLE AROUND US AND NOT PARTICULARLY SCARED OF US WHERE WITH A STRANGER THEY NEVER KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF THEY PULLED THERE ACTS WITH THEM. AND ALOT OF THE TIME THE STRANGERS TREAT THEM DIFFERENT THEN WE DO. IDK ITS A WEIRD CYCLE AND I WISH MY CHILDREN WOULD ACT FOR ME LIKE THEY DO FOR OTHERS!!
    boogirlsmommy

    Answer by boogirlsmommy at 7:22 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Have you talked to him about how he feels and why he acts out? Talk to him if you want to know why he's different between school and home. And remember that each child is different on how they experience relationships and perceive their place in the world - and that changes over time. He may be starting to develop a new way of relating to you - try to keep track of days that are better or worse and see if you can spot a difference - maybe days you hold him more or less, talk to him more or less, listen to him more or less. See if there's a difference in the way you communicate with him that makes a difference on whether or not he's feeling like he's being heard. And like the PP said, make sure everyone gets the same rules and boundaries - you're a family and everyone has to play along!
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 9:51 AM on Feb. 5, 2009