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How do I deal with a 16 year old Vindictive Step son?

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 8. He has a 16 year old son, two daughters whom have already moved out. I have a 14 year old daughter. We have no kids together! My stepson just turned 16, ever since then, he seems to get worse to get my husband and I fighting for no reason. Dad does tell him to stop and he just keeps on doing it. Always trying to get his dad to turn on me! It has destroyed my marriage. What to do!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Aug. 18, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • If he has already destroyed your marriage you need to move on.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:51 PM on Aug. 18, 2012

  • Sixteen is a tough age even when they live with both of their parents. Does your stepson actually live with you?

    Kids that age tend to think they know everything. They think they are adults, and yet their brains are still developing and no matter how mature or immature they don't have the life experience to actually be adults.

    The only way you and your husband can salvage this is to be united in the way you handle the situation.

    I highly recommend counseling as a family. Bottom line, you two need to be on the same page, and in charge.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:57 PM on Aug. 18, 2012

  • Sixteen is a really rough age. Just breathe and realize that eventually he'll be out of the house too.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 4:21 PM on Aug. 18, 2012

  • It can be hard to parent teenagers even if they are both biologically yours. It does make it harder in some ways when there is a blended family. I agree that you and your DH need to come to an agreement on the boundaries for his behavior and the consequences if he doesn't comply, and then just be consistent. Discipline without anger, getting angry over his behavior is counterproductive. Just issue the consequences without fighting with him or each other.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 4:30 PM on Aug. 18, 2012

  • You have been with the child since he was 3 and he is this angry toward you? Did it just begin? Have you asked the boy what his problem is? I'd be having a family meeting and finding out what's up
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:33 PM on Aug. 18, 2012

  • I suggest counseling as well, I hope it works out, an angry boy most likely turns into an angry man, Please for the sake of him and your marriage seek some help.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 5:04 PM on Aug. 18, 2012

  • Yes he has lived with us since he was three. He seems to think he knows EVERYTHING! Well my husband really does not have boundaries for him. He allows him to do what ever he wants! yes I know he will be outta the house soon! This just recently started. Well his dad (my husband) is a very angry hot- headed person himself, in which case it doesn't help!!! I have not had the chance to ask him myself what his deal is.. He is hardly ever home,but when he is he always seems to start it! Having a family meeting has come across my mind!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:04 PM on Aug. 18, 2012

  • At this age, 1) he's going through the teen revolution plus 2) he'll soon go to college. Hmmmm, how about if you had a baby with your husband? If this is feasible, it would bond you with your man....
    MamaaSutra

    Answer by MamaaSutra at 11:11 PM on Aug. 18, 2012

  • Oh I know.. Went through the same thing with his girls,but they weren't this bad! He is fixed!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:54 AM on Aug. 19, 2012

  • Since you know he is doing it on purpose, you and your DH have to ignore him. He's 16, what does he know about anything, how can/does he manage to get you and DH fighting. You and DH are a team.
    jdjamm

    Answer by jdjamm at 12:13 PM on Aug. 20, 2012

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