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A bad life...

What if I told my husband of my past? That I was permiscuous, use to use drugs and had sexual experience. Do I deserve to be treated less than any other woman? What if he told his friends and family?


And if he buys me expensive things, then says I am taking advantage of him. He acts as if I might hurt him, when he says such terrible things to me. Everyone believes him because of my past.


I went through so much to be present in my life today. When confused on things I think back to what the judge would advise me and what I want my children to do.


It's almost as if he wants a woman to come to him because he wants her to think I am treating him terrible.


So now I just take it, he says he loves me. He says I am turning him into someone he has always hated... a man who hits women. Can you imagine not having a choice at all in your life?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:22 AM on Feb. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • why wouldnt you have a choice in life? you chose to live a better life right? you chose to get clean from drugs right? you have a choice in how YOU live your life. i was once there to i had huge drug problem, lost my kids to their dad, was homeless, and then some. i chose to be better to live better. we have choices its only if we take and use them! you didnt change him that was his choice for real. if hes hitting you dont put yourself down like that your life has gotten better you dont need that bull sh@#. about your past and telling him why not keep it real! if he loves you he would find you a very strong woman who has came along way!! im ashamed of my past but its what got me here today. i wish you the best. you do what it takes for you 2 be a strong woman ok huggggssss shannon

    shannonmarie759

    Answer by shannonmarie759 at 6:34 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • I don't want much in my life, material things hold almost no value to me. Honestly when going through a situation like this, all a person wants is love.
    And I can't help but think that it is all sexual for him. The first time I was living with him, he stood in a search position against the closet doors and wanted me to spank him like his mommy used too. I did not do this because I was still within my first year of sobriety and having panic attacks. Never wanting another panic attack I feared things that caused too much mental or physical stress. Things just needed to be calm for a while!
    I needed to recollect my thoughts and finish going through the bad memories. My mother wanted me to remain like this to be an example to my sisters and my husband wants me to teach him how to be a man. Honestly I don't know where to go from here. A good thing is I sort of got a sense of humor again. I can laugh.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:47 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • If he said you are turning him into a man that hits women, you need to get out NOW. Your past should not matter, you were honest with him and owe him nothing more than the truth. He either loves you or he doesn't. If this information changed how he once felt then it will be hard but you need to move on. I am here if you need me, please don't put your child (male or female) in a situation where they know dad is beating mom. Even if they don't see it they will know.

    I used to be promiscuous, my husband knew this going in and did not judge me because of it and he does not hold it over me. Had he ever mentioned it I don't think we would still be together. Best of luck to you and know that I am her.
    mrssullivan

    Answer by mrssullivan at 6:59 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Oops, I am here (not her)
    mrssullivan

    Answer by mrssullivan at 6:59 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • It sounds like your husband has some pretty serious character issues. There's probably not a lot you can do about it. You certainly do not have the power to change him. What you can do is respect yourself enough and believe in yourself enough to not be influenced by what he says to you or about you. You've made mistakes and you've admitted them. That's a positive thing. So don't allow yourself to be dragged down by his negative comments. And do not let him make you feel responsible for the flaws in his character. If you think he could be dangerous, then you should get away from him, and tell him that you will come back after he has gotten help.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:09 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • it sounds as if your hubby needs to seek help himself.. he's taking advantage of your past, and using it to get what he wants, which is wrong.. he's also making you feel guilty because of it. I would seriously suggest that he seeks help or you go to counseling, and IF he is hitting you, forget what I said, and go seek help from the police, and social services, you've paid for your past already, you don't need to pay again so that someone else can get their jollies out of it.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:15 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

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