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To snoop or not to snoop?

I snooped on my 13 year old son's cellphone and found a text message from a girl who made a comment " yea I bet all you want to do is get in my pants. Ummm oh wait I don't have any on." Those were her exact words.
His response was just "lol

I know he isn't sexually active. We keep him busy with sports and his friends are always at our house with us and he isn't allowed to go to girls houses. If someone's child is saying they are coming here or visa versa a parent will call to confirm.

Should I be worried and monitor his texts or should I trust him and let it go?
Is this the girls way of flirting?
Girls are so FAST these days.

Please give me your thoughts. I am new to all this stuff. I have a 16 year old daughter and I can give her all the advice I can because I've 'been there and done that' but having a son...*whew, it's aging me

Thank you in advance


Asked by TexasSweetheart at 10:04 AM on Feb. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I was going to say the same thing about "lol" - that it sounds very much to me like a brush-off. That said, I wouldn't make snooping a common practice, unless you feel you have reason to mistrust him, which from what you say, you really don't. I would maybe use this as an opportunity to have a little "reminder" sex talk with him (or rather, your hubby, if possible). Don't bring up the text msg, just sit down with him and tell him you just want to go over things again, see if he has any new questions, etc. I do think that is probably the girl's way of flirting, maybe her parents haven't talked to her about what she should and shouldn't do, or her friends have influenced her poorly. But it would appear you've done a great job with your boy, and based on his response, I don't think you have a whole lot to worry about. Just be aware. :)

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:41 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • I would say that you just need to trust him. Dont monitor his texts because he will lose trust in you. And that is when they start doing things they shouldnt and stop talking to you. I would not worry about it if you trust that is he not doing anything he shouldnt be. Maybe you could kinda talk to him and just let him know that if he ever needs to talk you are there for him. My dad always tells me he has gray hair becuase of my brothers(I have 3)LOL. I think that you are doing everything you should be with keeping an eye on him. Good job.

    Answer by Aidansmom2728 at 10:09 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • My worst nightmare!! I have an 8 month old son and dread this day. I think you should let it go, if you have control of him, and it wasn't that bad of a txt msg, I wouldn't say anything because you'll lose his trust, he'll know you read his phone. I think the girls now a day's are WAY too "fast" They are out of control, I know a 16 yr old that's already been with at least 10 guys. Back in my day we just made out and didn't think about racking up sex partners. Don't worry mom, I think he's a shy guy, if all his said back was LOL there could be worse then that said believe me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • OH and p.s i'd take a peek every now and again to see if there's worse being said! ;)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • You pay for the phone- You have the right to look at texts. My bet- this is the girls way of flirting- while its goofy and makes her sound easy- doesn't mean she'd really be easy- but then again maybe she is? Its definitely not unheard of kids having sex at this age. If you haven't already I'd have the talk with him and ecourage him to respect girls and their feelings and respecting them means not having sex with them even if she wants too. And to respect himself and save himself til he's older and actually in love. Is his dad in his life? It might be better to have him talk- or a respected older cousin/relative.

    Answer by krazyash023 at 10:14 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Well, I'm glad your son only replied "lol". It almost sounds like a possible "brush off" by your son. I've text "lol" as a response when there is just nothing really to say...but you know the other person is expecting a response. It sounds like you are doing so many thing right...To bad the girl who sent the message isn't being raised in a similar way. But that is half the problem these days, so many parents don't care what their children are doing. I think I would trust your son for now. However, if you catch him in a lie i.e. he says he will be at one place but he really is at another it might be time for a long talk on trust issues...And I'm guessing you've probably had "the talk". if you're still worried about him becoming sexually active, show him pictures of genitalia which have an advanced form of STD, and let him know that a condom won't always protect him. It isn't a scare tactic, it is the sick reality

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • It sounds like you keep him pretty busy and thats a real good start But here's what I think..I have two grown girls and when they were your sons age I snooped quite a bit.I also have a 13 yr old now and I will with him too.I think if you can use what you find out to steer them a different direction it can really help to keep them safe. My girls never knew I was doing it because I never used the info. to confront them.Like they say knowledge is power..I f you know that there is a party being planned on Fri. at so-in-so's house you know to watch for him to want to go " to the movies" etc. Anyway you have to be able to keep things to yourself and not blow your cover. Good luck!

    Answer by mememom444 at 11:18 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Snoop. I would. I snoop on my sister when I go to her house (16years) and I find some pretty nasty stuff. This is how kids are these days. "Thanks MTV!"

    Answer by Autumn22 at 11:19 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Your kid house phone bill your phone etc. Snooping is far better in this day and age than wishing you did when it's far too late because of peer pressure. I have three my teen is my youngest. I've told my kids when I have something to say it's going to be said what ever it is. They can look at me or turn away from me but it will be said and talk and worked through if necessary. My job is to teach them body safety and emotional safety and follow up with academics. Once they're out they can take those teachings and do what ever with them. But actions thought to be grown up have to be treated in a grown up manner.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • My son just got a phone and was told before he even set it up that I would be checking his texts and call history. i think its my duty to keep him safe from dumb behavior as well as dangerous situations. I dont think its snooping if he is warned ahead of time, like I did with my son. It just lets him know I will be checking up on him...

    Answer by jajumommy2000 at 3:28 PM on Feb. 5, 2009