Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Ok need advice, would you leave?

My DH and I have been having a lot of problems.We've only been married for 2 months.I'm not the easiest person to get a long with, but he really disrespects me.If he gets mad at me, he takes the TV and phone away and his defense is "U don't pay the cable and phone bill so as my right I can take them away."Yet, I pay for the grocery bill and don't take food away from him when I'm mad at him.He doesn't help me with our DD, the only thing he does is pick her up from daycare. That's it. I do the rest, feed, change, burp, get up with her and his defense to that is "I work so I need my relax time and sleep time."OK, I work a fulltime job too.Last night, he raised his hand to me and constantly tells me I'm "subordinate" to him because I can't take care of myself, and how I'm less of a person.I went to leave him last night and went to take my DD and he shoved me, I called the cops, but no markings so I couldn't press charges

Answer Question
 
Chloesmom1126

Asked by Chloesmom1126 at 11:08 AM on Feb. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,269 Credits)
Answers (43)
  • Ran out of room to type...
    Not to mention that I live in MD and I'm from KY, I have no family or friends here. My mom said I could come live with her, which I'm going to do (she lives in NC). My DD is sick and before my DH left he said "you better be here when I get home".
    I'm going tomorrow and final for a temp. divorce which grants me temp custody & child support until I can get a court date.
    Chloesmom1126

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 11:10 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Um and you are still with him because???? I wouldn't put up with that crap for 1 minute, I would be out the door the first time he took the phone and TV away. If you want your daughter to think it's ok to be treated like that, then stay, or even worse, if you want your husband to treat HER that way.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:11 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Personally I would leave.

    Im a sahm and my husband is a Marine. You bet your ass he still helps 50/50 when he is at home. Yes, he needs downtime too but we put the kids to bet at 8pm and have downtime together after that. I would never stay with a man that raised his hand at me or held me against my will. You do not deserve to be told you are less of a person than him. He sounds controlling and ungrateful and he doesn't deserve you. That is jmo though. Only you know the whole story and how you feel. You have to think of how you want your daughter being raised and from the sounds of it she should not be raised around this man.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Honey, he seems very dangerous and controlling! The best thing to do for you and your child is to get out as soon as possible. I would even consider getting a restraining order because he does not sound very stable. I work at the county jail here in my city and I see stuff like that all the time. It always ends up with someone getting hurt. I would set up arrangements as soon as possible and leave when you know he will not be there. Otherwise, you will probably be another victim of domestic violence.
    lathena

    Answer by lathena at 11:16 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Leave now before he gets really bad. What does he mean by or else? He is not a real man and you deserve better. Take the baby and run.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Honey if he shoved you this time, the next time he will hit you and then it will get worse from there. Get out while you can... Always remember a person that really loves you, does not make you cry. And they surely don't abuse you. Please believe me, I lived with a man that did this to me, it started out with him cursing at me and shoving, next the beating started. Please get out while you can!
    joyce57

    Answer by joyce57 at 11:17 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Definitely leave as soon as possible. However check on the laws in your state before you take your daughter out of state. I know here in Colorado if you don't have the other parents permission to take the kids out of state you can get into big trouble for taking them. Considered kidnapping I believe. I am in no way saying leave your child behind, just speak with an attorney and find out how you can take her legally.  You may end up having to file for an order of protection for yourself and you daughter.  Make sure you speak to someone either an attorney or someone at the family court

    norbert

    Answer by norbert at 11:26 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • "What does he mean by or else? "
    I have no idea, I will be here when he comes home today because I have no where to go. Like I said I'm filing for a temp. divorce tomorrow and he'll be served the papers sometime next week. I'm going to ask my lawyer how long it'll take for him to get the papers, and I'm gonna buy my plane ticket to NC. He knows nothing, he'll come home one day and I'll be gone with our beautiful little girl.
    Chloesmom1126

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 11:29 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • "Definitely leave as soon as possible. However check on the laws in your state before you take your daughter out of state. I know here in Colorado if you don't have the other parents permission to take the kids out of state you can get into big trouble for taking them. Considered kidnapping I believe. I am in no way saying leave your child behind, just speak with an attorney and find out how you can take her legally. You may end up having to file for an order of protection for yourself and you daughter. Make sure you speak to someone either an attorney or someone at the family court"

    I already checked with my divorce lawyer, and state of MD a parent CAN take them across state line. A biological parent can not be accused of kidnapping your own child. It's up to me to let him see her, and I will let him see her, but only if he comes to her, and I'm there with her until I get a final custody order from the courts
    Chloesmom1126

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 11:32 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • i would leave in a heart beat..if he wants you around then he will do what he needs to change, dont give him a chance to get worse hit you, or the baby..Never know what will happen..See if you can stay with someone for a little while.And, if he dont wanna change then devorice him..but he is really controling and I would be worried for my own and the babys safety..they come first over LOVE!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Feb. 5, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.