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what would you do?

I have a family reunion in June. We have a family wedding (husband side) in October.
My hubby is currently deployed, and really wants to go to the wedding (which is in NY) when he gets home. I have a family reunion in June in NM (father is passed, so i'm the only one from him that is able to go). AND hubby wants to go back home for 2 weeks for a visit with everyone after he gets back also.

My question is...... we can't do all 3. He thinks its not fair that he can't go to the wedding, and I feel as if its not fair that I can't go to the reunion. I'm already not going to NY because of the prices. I have to take two kids with me to NM. And he is only taking one. And dont get me started about going home. Its not going to happen.

I don't know how to talk this out, or work it out. he really wants to go to ny and i really want to go to nm. more like need. my grandfather is turning 100.
I don't know what to do.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Feb. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Honestly, I would each go the way you want to go. You go to your thing, and he can go to his. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 2:21 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • how long have you known about these trips? Have you been saving for them? I don't want to be rude, but we are military too and I know that we have 3 trips in just the next two months and can afford them. 2 of us and 2 kids. So I think you should be able to do all three. Let him go where he wants and you do your thing. Do you have to take both kids with you and does he have to take them with him? That would save money right there if you just visited alone. I know that's not ideal but it's better then not going at all. I think anyways.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 2:22 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Don't let him pull the "I was deployed and I miss my family" card to get his way. You both miss your families equally since I am guessing you are stationed away from the majority of your family. You both deserve oppurtunity to go home and see the ones you love. If you can mangae two trips, but not three, then you should get to choose one and he should get to choose one. Being married into the military is difficult too and don't let him make you feel like hedeserves more than you because is the active duty member and you are just the spouse. Trust me, I know how it can go. My husband is in the Marine Corps.
    Danielle720

    Answer by Danielle720 at 2:22 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • I agree! You should go your separate way's. If you don't want to miss it, and he doesn't either..there's no harm in going it alone, just tell everyone why your there without him! They should understand.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • we've been saving, but we don't have enough saved for both trips. the NY wedding - they requested to have one of our kids in the wedding as a ring bear. and the NM trip, my husband will still be gone, so i have to take both kids. and the trip back home, i am pretty sure its out. He is the one that has put the money into savings and its not enough. he doesn't understand that. I've tried to talk to him about it, and its just not getting through to him. he doesnt understand that for 3 to NM is 3000. and 2 to NY is still almost 3000. thats not including hotel, car, food, gas, that stuff. The NY trip was just confirmed not to long ago, and the NM trip has been in the works for almost a year.
    i don't want to fight with him about it, but he doesn't seem to understand that i'm the only one from my dads 'family' that can make it. and I don't want to loose touch with them. I dont know. I guess i just feel hurt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Is the wedding in the same place where he wants to go to visit his family? Could he just go for the wedding and stay a few extra days and combine those two into one trip? Or you could have his family come visit you. That way he could see everyone, but not have to pay for it. If I were you, I would make sure to go to the reunion. Just write out how much money everything will cost, then how much money you have. I wouldn't back down on your trip if it's so important to you, and it sounds like it is. I know how it is dealing with someone who is deployed, but he has to understand that he can't get his way every time just because of that. Tell him you had your plans first, and if he doesn't have the money for both of his other trips, that's just how it is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Have no idea where you are flying from or to but I am booking southwest flights today they are awesome deals going on right now.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 3:12 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • alaska to Ny and then alaska to NM. it seems that when you fly out of alaska, they want to add extra money just because your way up here. I told him that I'm cutting everythng way down. He doesn't understand that NY is expensive. His family (moms side) will be in NY. then he wants to go back home to visit dads side.
    i'm just tired of fighting with him about it. i've written down all the stuff that we'll need, and he thinks that i am over doing it. but i'm not. i add on an extra 100 just in case soemthing comes up. we don't have a credit card, so thats why i'm so worried about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • I think you should pray on it, and really ask God what needs to be done, things will work itself out
    camtri3

    Answer by camtri3 at 5:09 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

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