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I recently and unexpectedly found my adult son (who I placed up for adoption as an infant) on Facebook - should I contact him.

I want to my hand hovers over the send button. How do I approach it with out destroying any chance at reunion later... Particulars. This began as a private adoption before his birth it was supposed to have been open but at 2 years old the letters and photos just abruptly stopped. He knows he is adopted.

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Asked by meanmayormary at 6:33 PM on Aug. 23, 2012 in Adoption

Level 6 (142 Credits)
Answers (35)
  • Good Luck hope he contact you back

    Answer by Alisim at 4:02 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • Me too. Just hope the Amom is supportive

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • As a reunited birthmother to a 24 year old male adoptee, I'm afraid you've already made a big mistake. Why did you contact the adoptive parents? If I were your son I'd be pissed at you for talking to my parents about me. He's a grown man, he doesn't need permission from his parents to have a relationship with you, and it was up to him to tell them.
    Otherwise I think it's fine to contact him on FB, it's how people of that age communicate with each other. Please check out the Adoption Reunion group.

    Answer by onethentwins at 9:09 PM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • update : here is what I did - I did not contact his Adoptive parents - I did not send him a letter either - I sent him the message and let the pot simmer for a while. I remembered my own issues with my parents at that age - my own schedule etc. I waited. It was hard to wait. I spent more time at this computer then I care to admit, after one week I turned it off. Then, when I wasn't looking he sent me a friends request.... which I of course immediately accepted. I feel ridiculous saying it but "I;M MY SONS FRIEND", !!!! He posted tons of photos of him growing up, videos, papers etc. I have spent all this time perusing them - it is a strange start but a start nonetheless. There is forward momentum... I am glad I trusted my intuition.

    Comment by meanmayormary (original poster) at 8:12 PM on Sep. 9, 2012

  • WONDERFUL! I am very happy for you :). I suggest you join the adoption reunion group: and read some of the "sticky notes". They are very helpful.

    Answer by vampporcupine at 7:15 PM on Sep. 11, 2012

  • I would leave contact info, and let him decide if he wants to talk to you or not, no pressure......

    Answer by older at 7:19 PM on Sep. 11, 2012

  • That is so awesome. Good for the two of you.

    Answer by sharpendoodle at 8:23 PM on Sep. 11, 2012

  • Yay, for you! This is awesome, and congrats:) SLOW is always best;)

    Answer by ceejay1_iz_back at 9:47 PM on Sep. 24, 2012

  • Oh my gosh, this kind of sounds like my family~ I had fbook account and found nephew{26} on fbook.Nephew was adopted thru my x-sil family in KS. I befriended him.Bros. divorce so messy and sad he gave up visitation rights not wanting his boy to go thru more pain.( age 5)We have been estranged from him due to the above reason.O.K. , you said his Mom and Father told him he was adopted?That kind of tows the line to move ahead I would say. Like some other Moms said, I would personal message him, make it brief,explain facts. Give him your contact #s.Let him know it is all his choice what he wishes to do with info.

    Wishing u tons of GL.! It will be harder than #!*&^## to wait .believe you me, I know. You do whatevever in your heart feels right.! If u want , feel free to PM me and it would be great to talk.

    Answer by momw2teens522 at 9:51 AM on Sep. 29, 2012

  • I would contemplate that and maybe contact the adoptive parents first. G L

    Answer by isismoon3 at 4:45 PM on Oct. 2, 2012

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