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I recently and unexpectedly found my adult son (who I placed up for adoption as an infant) on Facebook - should I contact him.

I want to my hand hovers over the send button. How do I approach it with out destroying any chance at reunion later... Particulars. This began as a private adoption before his birth it was supposed to have been open but at 2 years old the letters and photos just abruptly stopped. He knows he is adopted.

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Asked by meanmayormary at 6:33 PM on Aug. 23, 2012 in Adoption

Level 6 (142 Credits)
Answers (35)
  • I would privately message him and give him your contact information. Put the ball in his court if he wants to have contact.

    Good luck mama! Let us know what happens.

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:43 PM on Aug. 23, 2012

  • I'd message him and talk to him OFF the computer 1st

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 6:34 PM on Aug. 23, 2012

  • If this was my son, I say this as a mother through adoption, I would be glad his birth mother wanted to know about him. This to me would be confirmation to my child that what we have said is true: your first mother loved you so much and she thought she could not provide for you at the time you were born. So she provided for you the best way she could, by placing you with us.

    At twenty my son would be an adult able to make his own choices. Now my only hestiation would be for minor children being contacted through FB. That I would not be cool with. I would prefer a letter to me first so I could prepare my minor child/teen. But really he deserves the chance to know you. Best wishes.

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:32 PM on Aug. 25, 2012

  • No. What if he doesn't know he is adopted? What if he unleashes on you? Let him live his life, he will contact you if he needs to.

    Answer by OenophiliaMama at 6:46 PM on Aug. 23, 2012

  • I'd wait until I had some sort of 'gameplan'.

    Answer by meooma at 6:50 PM on Aug. 23, 2012

  • do you know if his parents told him he was adopted? I would say look at the friend's list,, and message the mother first, if she is on there,, Can you imagine if he never knew?

    Answer by kimigogo at 7:40 PM on Aug. 23, 2012

  • If it were me, I would most likely find an address or phone # and make 1st contact off the computer.
    And don't put too much energy into worrying he doesn't know he's adopted. Yes that's always a possibility. So is rejection. There are way too many possible scenarios of what you'll find to put worry on any one of them.

    Are you ready for the truth? No matter what? It's a scarey thing to do. But knowing sure beats guessing any day!
    I used this article to help me script my 1st contact letter.
    And this..rules for reunion

    Best Wishes! Just think. No more secrets and lies! C:


    Answer by adopteeme at 2:26 AM on Aug. 24, 2012

  • really you didnt need to send his mother anything. he's 20 yrs old. An adult. His adoptive mother will have no say if he wants to visit with you are not or whether you're allowed to contact him or now. But its a good effort so it doesn't look lie a crazy FB lady. Keep us all updated.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:13 AM on Aug. 24, 2012

  • Please update.

    I would have made contact too. Making contact does not mean pushing contact if he doesn't want it, it just means establishing that you are there. PP didn't want contact but some others may think, if my bio parents wanted to hear from me, they would find me, and not look themselves for that reason.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 AM on Aug. 25, 2012

  • I don't know if this is the best way to contact him. Are there adoption networks that you could subscribe to to see if he's interested in contacting you?

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:52 PM on Aug. 23, 2012

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