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Why do women think every decision on parenting is their choice?

I'm mainly referring to circumcision here. I just read a blog post about how the mother was 'never going to circumcise my boys." And that she "showed him evidence as to why we shouldn't" referring to her husband. I'm sorry, but why is that only her decision? She states her husband wanted it done and that she, essentially, talked him out of it because she didn't want to do it to her sons.

Really?? With what little decisions dads get when regarding childbirth/newborns she couldn't let him have this one thing?? Why does she think she has the right to make that decision on her own?

Things like this make my blood boil.

Answer Question

Asked by SaraD1989 at 11:54 PM on Aug. 25, 2012 in Parenting Debate

Level 18 (5,457 Credits)
Answers (56)
  • I don't have boys, I have all girls. However, my SO and I discussed this before our kids, we both researched the topic, and found a lot of information for both sides, in the end I told him it would be his choice. He has told me he would circumsize. I would have been fine with tha

    Answer by sheloveearth at 12:08 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • I agree about researching. With something like this though, there is no right answer, so they can both be totally informed and have valid reasons for their point of view. If the mother and father are completely unable to agree, it makes sense to not do it because it's something that can't be undone. I wanted to have my boys circumcised. When I talked to my husband about it, he was absolutely sure he wanted to have it done, too. If he had been as sure that he didn't want it done, I probably would have not had them circumcised, because his point of view wouldn't have been the permanent one. Flip the situation and say that I was sure I didn't want to have it done and he did, the answer would have been the same and we wouldn't have had it done.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 12:08 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • This was a decision made by BOTH of us. We have made decisions together regarding every aspect of our marriage, regardless of what the circumstances were.
    We've been married 28 years, and truthfully, I feel this is how it should be. Our marriage, our sons, our life.

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:08 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • I think things like this really should be discussed before kids, so you know what to expect. DF and I discussed everything like that before kids, so we both know what we will do. so when the time comes for big decisions, they are pre planned, and have no need for debates. he trusts I will do what we discussed, and I respect him enough to do so.
    no fights.

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 12:09 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • This was a decision made by BOTH of us. We have made decisions together....

    Us too PMSMom... we made the choice together but I let him take the lead on this one... it only seemed right.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:12 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • I agree that all the foreseeable parenting decisions should be made before kids are made-vaccinating, birth, where to live,etc. I just don't get how moms can think that this is only up to them.

    Comment by SaraD1989 (original poster) at 12:14 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • i did my research, and found that there are pros & cons to both sides. so i let DH decide. he has a penis, he knows what its like to be circumcised, and he's had male friends who werent circumcised at birth. so he knew more about this on a real level...imo internet research pales in comparison to a life time of experience.

    i think far too often women, having the closer connection to our babies (b/c hell we birthed them), think we always know best. but having a penis is not something we know anything about (well...the vast majority of us) would be like my DH getting to decide if our DD can use tampons or not. intimate body things are best left to the person with the said body part in these situations so long as the person is trustworthy...and i would hope women could trust the man they had kids with.

    Answer by okmanders at 12:15 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • I think some women feel they should have more say in day-to-day parenting decisions because frankly, they end up doing most of the work. This actually makes sense to me. But circumcision is hardly a day-to-day decision.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:16 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • >>And what happens if he did do the research and he's very much for it? And he doesn't have to really do research on the topic-his beliefs are his beliefs and she should respect them. <<

    Beliefs alone are not enough. Beliefs plus research.

    If it's a case where both sides have completely conflicting research as to the health benefits, then I'd take it a step farther to get local norms, to have an idea of what's considered average. You don't want your son to get teased for not being circumsized.. but you also don't want him to get teased for BEING circumcised.

    And yes, adult men can and do get circumcised. My brother did. He was teased for being intact. It was one of the things I kept in mind as we discussed circumcision for our son. And yes, we circumsized. I didn't honestly feel that strongly about it.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:17 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • that comes off wrong...i LET DH decide. we talked about it and i told him "the final choice is yours b/c i dont have a penis". it wasnt really any big thing to us tho.

    Answer by okmanders at 12:17 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

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