Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

Why do women think every decision on parenting is their choice?

I'm mainly referring to circumcision here. I just read a blog post about how the mother was 'never going to circumcise my boys." And that she "showed him evidence as to why we shouldn't" referring to her husband. I'm sorry, but why is that only her decision? She states her husband wanted it done and that she, essentially, talked him out of it because she didn't want to do it to her sons.

Really?? With what little decisions dads get when regarding childbirth/newborns she couldn't let him have this one thing?? Why does she think she has the right to make that decision on her own?

Things like this make my blood boil.

Answer Question

Asked by SaraD1989 at 11:54 PM on Aug. 25, 2012 in Parenting Debate

Level 18 (5,457 Credits)
Answers (56)
  • "You honestly think an adult male is going to get circumcised?"

    DH has a friend who did and its like listening to a horror story the way he tells it! the guy said that if he knew how painful it was going to be he would never have done it. he only did it b/c he felt weird being the only "intact" guy he knew and was told (by other guys) that no girl would want to have sex with him. poor guy.

    Answer by okmanders at 12:20 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • Unless your a single parent and the other parent is not at all involved, I absolutely think decisions such as this should be made together, I am the main researcher in my family however never do I think because of that important decisions are soley mine, that concept is absurd to me. If we disagreed on something major there would be lots of discussion about research and our feelings and a decision wouldnt be made until we both came to a mutual decison. There are things I make decisons on and things my husband makes decisions on, but we always run it by eachother. Sounds like in this case the Mother had her mind set and didnt care at all how her husband felt about it then decided to bombard him with research and end the subject all on her terms, not cool.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 12:22 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • I make all my parenting decisions with my husband. I value his opinion and his input and would never demean him that way.
    Fortunately, we haven't disagreed in any important choices, but if we had, we would do what we always do: compromise, leave our egos aside, and realize that our marriage is a partnership, not a competition as to who "wins".


    Answer by momto2boys973 at 12:56 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • Well I most certainly did not give the choice to my baby.

    The Dr. came and talked to Dr. and I told us the pros and the cons and asked if we had question. He left us to talk and we decided for. If you are married you have the legal right to make all these decuisions tigether, You will find that he is passionate about one thing and you are not so much but you are passionate on something else etc. Compromise. with your eyes firmly focused on the child you are making decisions for.

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:06 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • If I had, for some reason, really wanted to circumcise my daughter, I would think it would be my husband's place to say no, especially knowing the facts, even though he doesn't have a clitoris.

    You say it should be both parents decision, but what if they do really disagree. He is for and she is against. It sounds like you think they should go for, because that's what you think is right and because he has the penis. That doesn't seem anymore fair than what outrages you, her making the decision. In a case where parents want opposite things, I would think choosing the option that could be changed later would make sense. I.e. a circumcision cannot be undone, but if left intact, the parents or preferably the boy himself could later make a choice and have the circumcision done.

    As other have said, lucky for us we haven't disagreed. DH would honestly defer to me on almost everything. But, I usually inform him thoroughly and give hi

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 5:18 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • give him lots of information anyway because I want him to be informed about our choices.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 5:18 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • It takes 2 people to make a baby and 2 people to make decisions on how to raise it. It should be a joint decision. Since circumcision is part of my religion I don't have a problem with it. Even the male royals of the UK are circumcised by a mohel (trained rabbi to do the procedure). I'd get it done.

    Answer by robinkane at 8:13 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • Because most mothers are the primary caregiver.

    Answer by meooma at 8:49 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • My situation has always been a bit different, but I did always kind of feel that the decisions were mine to make. After we were married and I was pregnant, I began to realize that my ex was incredibly immature. Most of the time, his idea of making a major decision was to either flip a coin or just let me decide. And since I didn't want to decide whether or not to circumsize my son based on a coin toss, or other big decisions, it was just easier to take over the decision making. Of course, now he's walked away from the kids completely, so I have no choice but to make the decisions all myself.

    But I do agree with the mother that mentioned research. I think if you really feel strongly about something, you'll do the research to find things to back up your side.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:05 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • "Because most mothers are the primary caregiver."

    So? My DH is the primary breadwinner, does that mean he can tell me how to work our budget, how much to save, and even what groceries I should be buying and I should just shut up and go along with it?


    Answer by momto2boys973 at 10:36 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.