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6 Bumps

Why do women think every decision on parenting is their choice?

I'm mainly referring to circumcision here. I just read a blog post about how the mother was 'never going to circumcise my boys." And that she "showed him evidence as to why we shouldn't" referring to her husband. I'm sorry, but why is that only her decision? She states her husband wanted it done and that she, essentially, talked him out of it because she didn't want to do it to her sons.

Really?? With what little decisions dads get when regarding childbirth/newborns she couldn't let him have this one thing?? Why does she think she has the right to make that decision on her own?


Things like this make my blood boil.

Answer Question
 
SaraD1989

Asked by SaraD1989 at 11:54 PM on Aug. 25, 2012 in Parenting Debate

Level 18 (5,457 Credits)
Answers (56)
  • The choice goes to the one(s) who did the research. She did the research. If he really cared about it, he could do the same research for his point of view. There's plenty of it out there.

    "Because that's what I want" or "because I said so" simply isn't enough when there's a disagreement.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:56 PM on Aug. 25, 2012

  • That was the one decision I left up to my DH... I trust him on this one... after all he actually has the equipment!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:59 PM on Aug. 25, 2012

  • I disagree with you *all*.

    Not YOUR penis. Not YOUR choice.

    There is no routine medical indication for MGM.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 12:04 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • This was a decision made by BOTH of us. We have made decisions together regarding every aspect of our marriage, regardless of what the circumstances were.
    We've been married 28 years, and truthfully, I feel this is how it should be. Our marriage, our sons, our life.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:08 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • I agree about researching. With something like this though, there is no right answer, so they can both be totally informed and have valid reasons for their point of view. If the mother and father are completely unable to agree, it makes sense to not do it because it's something that can't be undone. I wanted to have my boys circumcised. When I talked to my husband about it, he was absolutely sure he wanted to have it done, too. If he had been as sure that he didn't want it done, I probably would have not had them circumcised, because his point of view wouldn't have been the permanent one. Flip the situation and say that I was sure I didn't want to have it done and he did, the answer would have been the same and we wouldn't have had it done.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 12:08 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • Unless your a single parent and the other parent is not at all involved, I absolutely think decisions such as this should be made together, I am the main researcher in my family however never do I think because of that important decisions are soley mine, that concept is absurd to me. If we disagreed on something major there would be lots of discussion about research and our feelings and a decision wouldnt be made until we both came to a mutual decison. There are things I make decisons on and things my husband makes decisions on, but we always run it by eachother. Sounds like in this case the Mother had her mind set and didnt care at all how her husband felt about it then decided to bombard him with research and end the subject all on her terms, not cool.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 12:22 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • "Because most mothers are the primary caregiver."

    So? My DH is the primary breadwinner, does that mean he can tell me how to work our budget, how much to save, and even what groceries I should be buying and I should just shut up and go along with it?

    Sharon
    momto2boys973

    Answer by momto2boys973 at 10:36 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • You are right it should not be her decision only, but since it is something that cannot be undone then the default is to not do it until it is medically necassary. That is how I feel about all decisions made regarding my children. If we can not agree on something then we default to the lest disruptive/able to be undone etc.

    You are also not in her relationship and some people do not feel this way. If the father objected then it is his place to let her know NOT anyone else's place to butt into their relationship and how decide to handle things like this.

    It does NOT hurt more as an adult then as a child that is a blatant lie. There are just as many nerve endings there as an infant just because they don't remember it does NOT mean it doesn't hurt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • Ditto Crafty on this one! Also I totally see your point and agree with you SaraD, parenting when it involves 2 parents, should be mutual decisions not just "what mom says goes." my dh and I try to do this all the time but it is sad to see some situations where one parent is the dominant decision maker and doesn't take the other parent's point of view into consideration.
    DreainCO

    Answer by DreainCO at 12:06 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • i did my research, and found that there are pros & cons to both sides. so i let DH decide. he has a penis, he knows what its like to be circumcised, and he's had male friends who werent circumcised at birth. so he knew more about this on a real level...imo internet research pales in comparison to a life time of experience.

    i think far too often women, having the closer connection to our babies (b/c hell we birthed them), think we always know best. but having a penis is not something we know anything about (well...the vast majority of us)...it would be like my DH getting to decide if our DD can use tampons or not. intimate body things are best left to the person with the said body part in these situations so long as the person is trustworthy...and i would hope women could trust the man they had kids with.
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 12:15 AM on Aug. 26, 2012

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