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When will she or ever get used to him?

Well my daughter's X is doing the visitation thing with her and my grandbaby. He has been doing this type of unsupervised visits for about 3-4 months. When he comes to get her for his 4 hour visits twice a week my grandbaby just starts whale crying... :(...... I have tested her with other men/friends/acquances and she does not do that? Does anyone know if or when she will get used to him or will she ever? Do you think she feels my daughters anger/hate/distust towards him (the X) when he comes and gets my grandbaby for his visits? It breaks my heart to see her cry like this.. It is not just a whimper it is a ball eyed cry with tears...

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JamiesMom08

Asked by JamiesMom08 at 4:44 PM on Feb. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • Well the only thing is that you dont really KNOW how HE treats her once she is in his care. Was she raised with him around? How old is the child? Because if she was never in a family environment with the child then she see's him as a stranger and that's pretty darn scary for a child.
    MyMayBaby_Chloe

    Answer by MyMayBaby_Chloe at 4:46 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • She was not raised around him.... She is only 11 months old.. Scary for her as well as for all of our family.... I am just worried !!
    JamiesMom08

    Answer by JamiesMom08 at 4:53 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • after 3-4 mths, she should be used to the routine by now, if she does not act the same with other men that she knows as well as him, i would serously start wondering what he is doing during these visits that make her react so toward him.
    also, if mom is so angry toward X, then yes baby will pick up on that. maybe mom should not be around when he pick up baby? maybe mom could drop baby at your house 15-20 mins before he comes, and pick baby up after he leaves?
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 5:24 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • we have really tried to be accomidating with him.. Yes we have tried 1. telling him to come over ahead of time and come and sit with her at my house on her turf for a little while befor he takes her... no luck...... 2.I have done the exchange......I was crying by the time he shut the front door.........


    I AM JUST A WORRIED GRANDMA!!  girl giving flower

    JamiesMom08

    Answer by JamiesMom08 at 5:35 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • If shes 11 months, then she is in the stage where seperation anxiety starts becoming more prominent. And even if he gets her 2x a week, baby's memories aren't that long just yet. So its routine for you, but not for baby. So, this "change" in her daily routine can also be upsetting. And i'm not quite sure about your "testing" methods? If you are standing there and hand her to someone, she will more than likely not cry b/c you are still there. And if she is in her normal enviornment (her house,you house,etc) and you leave her alone with someone, she prob won't cry b/c she feels safe. So I don't know if that is a true result that you got with your testing. If the dad is making the effort to follow through with visitation, then I doubt he is being neglectful or inappropriate with the baby. Remember, lots of baby's cry when dropped off/picked up and stop very shortly afterwards.
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 6:09 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • Mabye I am just a WORRIED WORRIED GRANDMOTHER.. Her mother is WORRIED too.. Thank you to all who responded.. I just needed to get it out there and get some response to see a different perspective on it...grandma xoxox


    I will keep y'all updated......  Thanks !!!

    JamiesMom08

    Answer by JamiesMom08 at 10:18 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

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