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DD's BMom has been getting on my every last nerve over the past few months. I used to give her excuses with everything, but now I've stopped that and what I'm seeing, I'm not happy with.
She is 23 years old. She has 2 boys younger than DD (DD is 6, boys are 4 and 2) that CPS took away from her and her then fiance last October and all visitation needs to be supervised...at first under CPS watch, then under caregiver watch...so one can assume they weren't taken for something minor. Anything and everything that goes wrong for her, it is always someone else's fault...and this I know because BGma tells me...BMom doesn't do much talking and when she does, it's about stupid stuff. BGma enables her to the point to where I'm not seeing this girl's life getting better over the years...betting in 10 years she'll either live with her parents or she will be on permanent welfare living in HUD housing.
BMom has never really shown much interest in DD. She has never tried to have any quality time with her, she has never tried to talk to her...and when we have visits, have the time she ignores her...preferring to talk with her mom (or me when I force conversations out of her) or have her face stuck in her cell texting. Our last visit in June was a picnic at a lake and BMom spent a good hour in the water by herself as DD, DH, BGma, BGpa, the two boys, and I were at the picnic table eating and talking and playing. BGma does show quite a bit of interest in DD and DH and I have suspected from the get-go that they want these visitations not for BMom or DD, but for BGma.
I texted BMom last week to talk about the visit saying what DD wanted to do and I threw out a date for next month. She texts me back saying it sounded good and said "u let mom no out of mins." I am not going to go back and forth between the two to figure out when is good and when isn't. She is a freaking adult and they are the ones insisting all visits be an entire family affair, so why in the world would she expect me to contact the family for her?
Truth be told, I'm getting tired of dealing with her 5 times a year. Right now DD doesn't seem to notice/care that BMom doesn't seem to care to visit with her at all, but eventually she will and I could just imagine how that is going to affect her. I've want to keep the visits up because I have believed it will be best for DD, but honestly, right now, I'm not sure that they are.
I know I need to stand up and say something...and I have been advised to in the past..., but the last time I did the slightest form of that back when DD was 6 months old (they were talking about monthly visits) things did not go well at all. We put up with a lot of crap from them for a long time before all hell broke loose enough for us to stop visits completely for most of 2008 when DD was 2. Since then it seems everyone has been trying their best to get a long well and we've all been succeeding, but lately it seems it's only been going good because I haven't spoken up...yet.
I want to cut visits down to 3 times a year, but I am so worried about how they will take it. Yet I can't help but to think that if she doesn't see DD as much, maybe BMom will not be taking these visits for granted.
But I'm not sure how to approach to BMom (which would turn into just BGma after the first sentence or two) the thought to cut back on visitation. It would have to be very delicate because I definitely don't want a repeat of before.
Answer by theMOMmission at 4:17 PM on Aug. 26, 2012
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