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4 Bumps

Is an adopted child legally obligated to help his bio family out with medical stuff

like if someone needs a bone marrow transplant or something

he is 31 now and we contacted him for the first time and explained our situation, he told us to stuff it...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Aug. 26, 2012 in Adoption

Answers (44)
  • I am very sorry that you are going through this, with one of your children being seriously ill. I definitely understand that, as a mom, you want to do anything you can to help him. It sounds like this was your first contact with your child that you placed for adoption, right? I'm just trying to see it from his point of view. Maybe he always wondered what it would be like to talk to his biological family, and if they missed him. Then he gets a message one day, but realizes that you are contacting him because you need something. It kind of disturbs me that you are wondering if he is legally obligated to help, as if you are thinking about trying to force him into a very painful procedure (and a bone marrow harvest is very painful for the donor). Also, be careful about calling yourself his "real" family. Both families are real, and I'm sure he thinks the family he's known and loved his entire life are very real to him.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 5:05 PM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • Nobody is obligated to help. I would be a little offended if I was given up for adoption and then the only time the bio family felt compelled to contact me is when they wanted my help.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 4:30 PM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • not at all. He's legally out of that family, in every way. Even if he wasn't- there's no medical law to force family members to donate body parts.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 4:25 PM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • yeah, by the miracle of facebook which has been around how long??? You NEED HIM for something so you find him otherwise you never bothered??? Thats really messed up to be honest!

    And NO you are NOT his REAL family, you are his biological family, the family that raised him is his real family. I am sorry for your situation I am very aware of the forced adoptions etc however, he did not need to hear from you just because you wanted something from him, you should have tried earlier if this was forced and you wanted to know your son etc. NOT for my other kid that lives with me is sick I need your help.

    Your situation is hard I get that, but DO NOT contact him again to ask, you shocked him in a way you would not unerstand by telling him he is adopted at 31 years old.....it does things to families and the person adopted, you could have possibly just ruined the only family he has!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:28 PM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • No! you gave him up and out went any obligation he had....
    older

    Answer by older at 4:28 PM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • nope nor woudl he be legally obligated to help if he were still your child.
    thats alot to ask of someone already and then the expect it from him???
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 4:37 PM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • Absolutely not. NO ONE has any obligation to give up any part of their body for anyone. If they choose to do so, that's a major gift, and a major sacrifice. To think anyone would have that obligation is self centered.

    I feel for your son that's ill, but imagine how sad for the son you gave up...and to him his REAL family is probably the one he knows, the one who raised him....imagine how traumatic to find out in such a way that he was adopted....and that the first contact he has from his bio mom is a request for part of his body to help a child she kept and raised..

    I don't mean to be mean, and I don't know for sure the real circumstance of his birth and adoption, but honestly, that's probably how he feels.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 5:35 PM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • Hmm. At first glance I'm having doubts that this story is true.
    No one has a right to harvest tissue, or organs from another. Period.
    But there seems to be a lot of triggering language in the post. I think it's meant to inflame..and get people to rally that keeping records sealed is a good thing because bmoms will come out of the woods to get something from the adoptee- and to boot inform him he's adopted as its not her place to tell.
    I call BS
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • You can try to appeal to his softer side telling him that this is a gift that is so rare and that he would be helping someone that has nothing to do with the emotional toll he might be feeling from being given up for adoption. I would tread very carefully though, as pushing him may end up making him less likely to help. I can understand the bio family feeling pressure and despair when their best chance is not cooperative, however you can't make decisions for someone else. He is not obligated and considering the circumstances I can understand his first reaction.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 4:42 PM on Aug. 26, 2012

  • do you have a relationship with him at all?
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 4:45 PM on Aug. 26, 2012

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