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My Husband In Jail

So my hubby's in jail for something really stupid he did and we don't know how long he's gonna be in there, cause i heard that they're not makin them to the whole time since they're so booked. He's really sorry and he's changed a lot since he got locked up. We're waiting for him to get transferred to state but they're taking forever. He's been in there for going on 6 months and it's driving me crazy. I miss him a lot even though i get to talk to him twice a week and see him twice a week. we have a 4 month old and i feel like a single mom. and sometimes feel really lonely. I had to move in with my parents and I'm not working. What can i do to feel better?

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Asked by SHY_GIRL89 at 5:50 PM on Feb. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) I have been in that situation and it was hard. I don't know what to tell you on how to make it feel better. Are there any support groups or support programs for family members of inmates in your area? It made me feel better to have some ladies I could talk to that would know what I was going through and not judge. If there isn't a support group, start one. Talk to the other moms coming out of visits and see if they'd like to get together some time, tell them you are having a hard time with it and would like some friends who understand what you are going through.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 6:03 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • I say leave him. I mean he didn't care enough about you before he got locked up. He wasn't even thinking about you or the baby. because you said he has been locked up for 6 months and you have a 4 month old. I"m sure he got locked up before your last 2 months, since it takes awhile to actually be sentenced. Do what's best for you and your baby and that claim that he has changed of course they do. In there they change, because they are scared and now want to be sorry for their actions. You feel like a single mom because you are a single mom, he is for sure not a good role model for your daughter. I've been there done that...


    Answer by xocyncyn at 6:12 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • oh wow xocyncyn did you eat you bitc* flakes this morning??

    poster i am sorry that he is in jail. keep your head up. he will be out soon just keep telling yourself that.!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • What did he do, you can look up about how long he will be there depending on what state you live in, either way honestly you really need to consider what is best for yourself and your baby right now, and I hate to say that leaving him maybe the best thing for you guys, I have been there too with my DD bio dad and leaving him was not only the best thing that I could of done but he too said he was going to change and he didn't six years later he is still doing the same crap in and out of prison and he has never seen her at all but IMO thats whats best for her

    Answer by hautemama83 at 7:00 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • One day at a time darling. You gotta get a hobby or habit.... something that is just for you. And you really need to change your way of thinking.... this is permanent and completely out of your control. If you dwell on it, then it'll eat you alive and steal years away from you. This guy (although you love him) cannot be there for you AT ALL... so you have to proceed as though you were on your own. Choose to be celibate and choose to be his pen-pal, but that's all you're gonna get out of this relationship right now. Not knowing what he did, I can't guess how long he'll be gone; but I'm going to assume at least a year....... you can yank yourself up, make yourself do something that you enjoy , and baby step your way through this time.... or you can shrink down in this puddle that he's made for you guys and drown in it. ... You gotta choose you. You don't have to 'leave' him... but you gotta choose you.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 7:33 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • I know it's hard being seperated from your SO for long periods of time. Mine has been in Pennsylvania since late August, and here I am, living in Florida
    I also moved in with my mom, but working really helps keep my mind off how rough things have been. I know your baby is really young, but see if you can go out and get a part time job. If your mom isn't willing to babysit for you, there are programs out there that will help pay for childcare.
    I don't want to tell you he's no good for you, or that you need to leave him. There are a million stupid ways to get sent to jail. But, you *do* need to look out for you and your LO first. That's your #1 priority. Take the time that you do see him to talk about your future; make him think of a plan he can put in action to support you guys. if you're sharing a common goal, it might make things easier to handle and not feel like you're left with the bigger burden.

    Answer by motherofanaries at 8:05 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

  • They are always sorry when they are in jail ( just ask my brother who visits there quite often).

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • What did he do to get locked up? When you say he's really sorry and he's changed alot, it makes me think he hit you. I think that because abusers always say that after they hurt you, and they act nicer and loving. I hope I'm wrong because just like they always say that, they always do it again and over time it always gets worse. If he did hit you, please get into some counseling! Please! Good luck to you!!!

    Answer by shmorris56 at 12:31 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Nooooo he did not hit me. believe me if he would have i wouldn't be here talking about him. I would be far far way from him. I do not believe in forgiving a man who hits women. Anyways he got caught with some mary jane it wasn't a lot but it was more than an oz so he can't just have probation.

    Answer by SHY_GIRL89 at 11:37 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

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