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Ok this is long and kind of a vent.
All throughout my childhood CPS was involve in my life. My dad was a single parent and worked all the time to make ends meet. My brother and I cut up A LOT. We did get taken away once, but that was under false statements and when a lawyer proved the statements false we were immediately returned.
Well that still did not stop us. I ended up pregnant at 14 and had my daughter. CPS came back into our lives and really never left. I stayed with my daughters father and then had a son at 18 and another at 19 and my last son at 20.
CPS was ALWAYS around. Suprise visits, 'annonymous calls' and most of it revolved aound my children's father and his family. None of them thought he should have been 'trapped' and they knew I could not do it without him AT LEAST being in the home. His mother thought she would get custody IF ONLY she could get the kids taken from me. He was crap for a parent. I knew it. I was there and I was going to remain strong for my kids. It was hard. Very hard.
The most he could do right was be in the house with the kids when I went to work. I worked 7 days a week and did the best I could to pay the bills. My children feared their father. They hated being left alone because he had a temper and his punishments consisted of spankings. I knew the situation was horrible and looking back I feel terrible about keeping them in that situation but I needed him right? He was all I had known since I was 13!!!
Well our relationship started getting worse and worse. We fought ALL THE TIME. There was one instance where we were arguing and he pushed me against the living room wall and then threw me into a door. I kicked him out. I told him I did not want him around. What I did not know was our then 6 year old daughter witnessed it. Apparently she went to school and told her teacher ho then called CPS.
We worked out a deal that he would come to my house and watch the kids while I was at work. I ha nobody else. My dad is now a raging alcoholic and my brother is overseas. Well I came home one day and there was his mothers van at my house and 2 sherriff's cars. I almost didn't get the car into park! I ran to the house and was greeted by an officer who led me to my car and informed me I was under arrest for child abandonment. I pleaded with them trying to tell them my ex was there when I left for work and that I didn't leave the kids alone. Of course they didnt believe me.
Fast forward. Court is being put off over and over. Due to going to jail I lost my job. Then lost my house. I am still visiting my children. They are all together which was good. My daughter tells me she is so happy she doesnt see daddy any more. The CPS worker informed me their father requested signing his rights over and had not visited.
The problem in court came down to 'he said no he was not there and mom says yes he was. The only one who could confirm yes or no was the 6 year old and she was at school'. My lawyer advised me that they are seeking to terminate my rights. They say I have only put my children in danger (being that their father was such a hot head and our 6 year old told them everything he had ever done most of which I did not even know about!! Our boys couldn't talk and i was mostly done to them!!) They knew I was homeless. They knew I was jobless. There was nothing I could offer my children. That was what they left me with. I felt like the lowest person on earth (and i still do).
So I offered an ultimatum. I would voluntarily sign my rights over. My only conditions were that they MUST be kept and I could receive photo updates at least once a year. March 2010 I relinquished my rights. My daughter begged me not to. They said I had to tell her myself. She told me she did not want to be adopted. She cried to me. She begged and pleaded. She said everything was better when daddy was not home. This tore at my very core. We spent our last moments together in tears crying with her in my arms.
I can't forgive myself. To this day. I cry every day. My youngest turned 4 yesterday. I wasn't there. The adoptive parents stopped sending updates. They broke all contact. My lawyer said that it was worded 'prefer to have updates' and was not made mandatory so there was nothing I could do. Deep down I KNOW they are better off. I know I was too young to have had that much responsibility.
How do you ever become ok with it? When does it not hurt so bad??
I have since started college for an associates in Accounting. I am bettering my life. I was given almost a 'second chance' to do things I would not have been able to do. I just wish I could at least see pictures. My daughter is now 9. She started 4th grade. I wish could see her. Just to know how big she has gotten. My boys. I know they have grown. I hope they are thriving. I wish I could hug them. Give them a kiss. Let them know I care tremendously.
I know a lot will think this is spam but it really is not. I just need words of encouragement.
Asked by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Aug. 27, 2012 in Adoption
Answer by Alisim at 3:34 PM on Aug. 27, 2012
Answer by LeJane at 3:39 PM on Aug. 27, 2012
Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:56 PM on Aug. 27, 2012
You are not alone. Please join the Birth Mom's group here on CafeMom. Sadly, you have much in common with many others here. Congrats on bettering your life now so that when you see them again, they will see that, despite the pain of losing them, you became strong FOR them. I'm sorry you are hurting. I agree with those who say to keep what you've gotten returned, and also, keep copies of everything else you send in the future in case it's lost or destroyed and doesn't make it to them. PS-EVEN IF the wording on the annual updates had said "mandatory", open adoption isn't legally enforceable. I'm so sorry. :(
Answer by doodlebopfan at 2:48 PM on Sep. 1, 2012
Answer by Bellarose0212 at 12:34 AM on Sep. 11, 2012
It's all that I can say! Except my heart goes out to you!!! God bless you!!!
Answer by blondie805 at 10:29 PM on Oct. 2, 2012
Answer by booklover545 at 11:52 PM on Oct. 6, 2012
Answer by Ruthmom802 at 5:22 PM on Dec. 18, 2012
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