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4 Bumps

my 16 years old hate me

My sixteen year old son use to be bad as in smoke weed, tried to hit me, punch holes in the walls called me all types of bad words now I send him to his father he said he hate me for the rest of his life. I just wanna ask something was it a mistake for him to live with his father because when he lives with me he didn't respect me he use to hang out with bad kids. I don't know if I should take him back, the way he used to treat me.

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liline396

Asked by liline396 at 12:32 PM on Aug. 27, 2012 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Did you try to get him help or just send him away? Sending him away will not solve his problems and he sounds like he needs counseling. What 16 doesn't say that to their parents? Its a normal thing to say but try and get him some help. Sounds like he needs anger management.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 12:33 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • He might be the kind of kid that needs a strong male role model around. I know with my own 14 y/o ds he has trouble listening to women, me and his female teachers. We've had a long talk with him and are trying to amend this before it gets too far out of control. DH and I have been at odds about this. He doesn't see it until I pointed it out.
    robinkane

    Answer by robinkane at 12:39 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • I can honestly say our 16 yr old son has never said bad words to us, and has never told us he hates us, etc... So NO that's not normal teen behavior.
    You need to start being a Parent, and not let him walk all over you. I don't know the home situation with you or the Father, but I will say if you two aren't a united front when it comes to discipline, and what you expect out of him, he's going to rebel. You both need to sit down with your son, tell him what you expect out of him, like respect, etc, and then stick to it. Make him see that you demand respect from him. Chores would be a good place to start, make them as hard, and horrible as possible, and the more he disrespects, the more he has to do.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:40 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • I don't know maybe military school. No I would leave him with his father. Maybe he can get some sense in his head.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:50 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • He's lashing out to hurt you because he's hurt. That doesn't mean you did the wrong thing, just that he's trying to get even. You know his father, if he's a good involved dad this may be a good thing. Boys that age need a strong male role model.

    Let you know that you love him unconditionally. That you're not quitting being his mother, that you have tried to get him to follow your rules & treat you respectfully, but he's chosen not to, and that you're hoping maybe his father can get through to him.

    It would be great if you could get him in counseling, and maybe all go to counseling together.

    Many teens have anger issues, and many...even those who don't have serious issues, lash out & say they hate one or both of their parents. You aren't alone in this.

    I'd also check out some parent support groups for parents of teens. Talk to your son's school counselor and see what resources are available for him, for you & your family
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:55 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • I personally think the years from 16 to about 20 are the hardest years with boys. (I have no girls, so I can't say about them.) They think they're adults, but their brains aren't finished developing. They want to assert their independence, and need to....but they still have to follow rules, and we have to enforce them.

    Their hormones are going crazy, and I think this has a HUGE amount to do with their behavior.

    Big hugs mama, I know this couldn't have been an easy decision, I can hear it in your voice. Feel free to message me if you need a shoulder.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:57 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • If you have other children in the home, you have to think of them. I would not bring him back. If he hates you, someday, maybe he will be able to understand the hows and whys of your actions.... Stay strong, you are doing the right thing.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 3:13 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • I am sorry but a 16 year old does not all of the sudden start acting this way, you must have lost your authority a long time ago before it came to this....you probably let him walk all over you in order to avoid drama...it is a good thing that you realize that he had no respect for you and let the other parent try to handle him...
    I had three and not even one ever told me they hated me, they might have thought it, but never had the nerve to say it out loud. Good luck with him and I hope he sees the light soon....
    older

    Answer by older at 3:20 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • is the fathers situation stable and safe?
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 5:20 PM on Aug. 27, 2012

  • Being a parent, esp. a parent of a teen is very hard. And it's not a popularity contest. You have to stick to your guns when it comes to your rules & expectations. Sometimes having our kids not like us is a sign we are on the right track & hopefully keeping them on the right track too. If dad is providing a stable home & he still gets visitation w/ you, then this may be just what he needs. If he needs counseling, then check w/ the school or local United Way on ways to get him additional help. Stay strong, he will thank you for it later. And so will his teachers & future spouse! GL!

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:49 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

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