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3 Bumps

Have you felt this way?

Do you feel or did you feel at the age of 13-14 was the hardest time for parenting your teen? I find myself even feeling like I wish I could get off this rollercoaster!!!! I don't mean suicide. lol I just mean it's been/and is so hard with all the sassing, wanting to do everything herself like an adult(but she's not old enough to) and everything else OTHER parents are letting their kids DO and HAVE.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Aug. 28, 2012 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • Why did you delete this- You could have jsut edited it to add that last part...

    anyhow, you jsut expalin to her that different families are- different. Just because one person has something doesn't mean everyone should have it.
    My daughter was difficult at that age- but not because she wanted things other people had - she knows she has a pretty cushy life and realises that some kids are jsut outright spoiled and have things even she finds rediculous. Mostly with her- it was dealing wiht her depression issues and attitude at times.

    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:15 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • My boys were pretty easy going at that age. I have a feeling it'll be my dau who ends up causing my hair to turn white (that's if I get to keep any of my hair at all- from pulling it out in frustration! lol :p) Just don't put up w/ the crap- esp, the disrespect. Learn to choose your battles & to keep a sense of humor. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty if you can't get your child something that you either can't afford, or that you feel they should earn or pay for on their own. It's those spoiled kids who will be in for a rude awakening when they finally realize the world really doesn't owe them a thing! Hang in there! GL!!

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:15 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • I an see that even though my kids arent teens yet. Around that age is when they start going through puberty and hormonal changes
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 10:19 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • Haven't made it there yet but I can tell you it was probably more like 15-16 for my parents.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • By the time our children reached the teen years, they had become pretty well trained in the areas of respect and obedience. This was the age at which they became more accountable to their daddy than when they were younger. In the few instances where they tried the waters and were disrespectful to me, they were referred to their father when he got home. They did not like that at all, and so it really never developed into a major problem. We did hear the occasional "everybody else is doing it" or going or getting it. That was always met with the response that Dad and I are not responsible for "everybody else." We are only responsible for you, so it's not happening here. The only time we ever had major trouble was with our oldest son who became interested in a girl who was allowed to do and have anything she wanted. She was a very bad influence, but thankfully it did not last too long. We've had great relationships since
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:09 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • You have to demand respect, and if they don't want to give it, then you have to teach them. We give chores, and take away privileges if they show attitude, etc. We're also a united front, anything we say or do is agreed upon together so our boys know they can't use one against the other.
    Children actually thrive on knowing what's expected of them, so make yourself clear, and stick to your word.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:17 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • Your feelings make sense to me.
    One thing that can help with how it feels is if you can genuinely recognize & feel the validity of HER thoughts & feelings (around the issue of things OTHER parents are letting THEIR kids do & have) as well as recognizing YOUR position & personal limits as fully valid. When one or the other "side" has to be wrong in order for one to be valid, you have more negativity around the conflict. Conflict itself just means you have different preferences, opinions, wishes & needs. That is inevitable. When the fact of the conflict starts to mean that somebody is "wrong" for their wishes, feelings & opinions, it becomes destructive.

    It's very common to slip into defensiveness, where you feel HER upset feelings are an unjust criticism of or an accusation against you. This happens because feelings often are expressed AS criticism & complaints, lol! Hearing it as her valid feelings of disappointment can help.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:17 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • Oh and above all, you're their parents, not their friends. You won't do them any favors trying to be the "cool parents"....
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:19 AM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • I've got a 14 year old and an almost 13 year old, and I find that my biggest battle with my boys, is their sassy mouth. Now, I've NEVER allowed them the opportunity to talk back to me, that is not an option, never has been, never will be. When I tell you to do something, you do it. Well, now that they are older, they think that they can talk back, and that is just not OK. I have to say that I (well, my Husband and I) have some pretty awesome kids. They don't give us to much trouble, but they do sometimes want to push the limits, and test the waters and see how far they can get. Daddy doesn't let to much fly, and honestly, neither do I. I'm not out to be their friend. I'm their parent first. You just have to remind them that you are only responsible for them, not what everyone else is doing. I'm not out to "keep up with the Jones'" in what my kids have, or get to do. Hang in there, this phase will be over soon :)
    My_Guys_Rule

    Answer by My_Guys_Rule at 12:31 PM on Aug. 28, 2012

  • This is the age where they learn to spread their wings and take flight. They are going to push your buttons and test limits like they've never done before. You have to stand firm on your house rules. They also have to learn that the world is not given to them on a silver platter, they have to earn it.
    robinkane

    Answer by robinkane at 12:39 PM on Aug. 28, 2012

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