Have you felt this way?

Why did you delete this- You could have jsut edited it to add that last part...

anyhow, you jsut expalin to her that different families are- different. Just because one person has something doesn't mean everyone should have it.
My daughter was difficult at that age- but not because she wanted things other people had - she knows she has a pretty cushy life and realises that some kids are jsut outright spoiled and have things even she finds rediculous. Mostly with her- it was dealing wiht her depression issues and attitude at times.

My boys were pretty easy going at that age. I have a feeling it'll be my dau who ends up causing my hair to turn white (that's if I get to keep any of my hair at all- from pulling it out in frustration! lol :p) Just don't put up w/ the crap- esp, the disrespect. Learn to choose your battles & to keep a sense of humor. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty if you can't get your child something that you either can't afford, or that you feel they should earn or pay for on their own. It's those spoiled kids who will be in for a rude awakening when they finally realize the world really doesn't owe them a thing! Hang in there! GL!!

I an see that even though my kids arent teens yet. Around that age is when they start going through puberty and hormonal changes

Haven't made it there yet but I can tell you it was probably more like 15-16 for my parents.

By the time our children reached the teen years, they had become pretty well trained in the areas of respect and obedience. This was the age at which they became more accountable to their daddy than when they were younger. In the few instances where they tried the waters and were disrespectful to me, they were referred to their father when he got home. They did not like that at all, and so it really never developed into a major problem. We did hear the occasional "everybody else is doing it" or going or getting it. That was always met with the response that Dad and I are not responsible for "everybody else." We are only responsible for you, so it's not happening here. The only time we ever had major trouble was with our oldest son who became interested in a girl who was allowed to do and have anything she wanted. She was a very bad influence, but thankfully it did not last too long. We've had great relationships since

You have to demand respect, and if they don't want to give it, then you have to teach them. We give chores, and take away privileges if they show attitude, etc. We're also a united front, anything we say or do is agreed upon together so our boys know they can't use one against the other.
Children actually thrive on knowing what's expected of them, so make yourself clear, and stick to your word.

Your feelings make sense to me.
One thing that can help with how it feels is if you can genuinely recognize & feel the validity of HER thoughts & feelings (around the issue of things OTHER parents are letting THEIR kids do & have) as well as recognizing YOUR position & personal limits as fully valid. When one or the other "side" has to be wrong in order for one to be valid, you have more negativity around the conflict. Conflict itself just means you have different preferences, opinions, wishes & needs. That is inevitable. When the fact of the conflict starts to mean that somebody is "wrong" for their wishes, feelings & opinions, it becomes destructive.

It's very common to slip into defensiveness, where you feel HER upset feelings are an unjust criticism of or an accusation against you. This happens because feelings often are expressed AS criticism & complaints, lol! Hearing it as her valid feelings of disappointment can help.

Oh and above all, you're their parents, not their friends. You won't do them any favors trying to be the "cool parents"....

I've got a 14 year old and an almost 13 year old, and I find that my biggest battle with my boys, is their sassy mouth. Now, I've NEVER allowed them the opportunity to talk back to me, that is not an option, never has been, never will be. When I tell you to do something, you do it. Well, now that they are older, they think that they can talk back, and that is just not OK. I have to say that I (well, my Husband and I) have some pretty awesome kids. They don't give us to much trouble, but they do sometimes want to push the limits, and test the waters and see how far they can get. Daddy doesn't let to much fly, and honestly, neither do I. I'm not out to be their friend. I'm their parent first. You just have to remind them that you are only responsible for them, not what everyone else is doing. I'm not out to "keep up with the Jones'" in what my kids have, or get to do. Hang in there, this phase will be over soon :)

This is the age where they learn to spread their wings and take flight. They are going to push your buttons and test limits like they've never done before. You have to stand firm on your house rules. They also have to learn that the world is not given to them on a silver platter, they have to earn it.