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3 Bumps

Yes to engagement? --- Update

SO cheated on me earlier this year. Broke my heart, but have been trying to work things through. Always in the back of my mind that he won't ever love me with his whole heart and that he's just here cause I've always been here for him.

Out of the blue, SO asked me to marry him this weekend. I was so blown away and happy! I was like yes he really does love me and wants me to be "the one!" But now that I've had time to think about things... is this just his way to appease me? Maybe this is his way to get my head out off the cheating issue...?

I don't know. Love him & want to be his wife, but also don't want to be a fool.

 

So I opened up and shared my concerns with SO...  He said he will not marry me if I can not give over this and that he takes back his proposal till I am ready to move on.  = ( 

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Aug. 29, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Your relationship will never make it with a lack of trust.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 10:06 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

  • Are you living with him now?
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:06 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

  • What was the scenario in the cheating? How long have you been together? Did he give you a ring?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:06 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

  • Trust issues are HUGE. Never start a marriage with serious trust issues.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:13 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

  • Not living together. Live about 2 hours away. No ring yet.

    The night he cheated was after he and I had an argument over the phone. He went and hooked up with a friend where he lives. States he no longer has contact with this friend because its just not appropriate all things considered...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:15 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

  • Oh and been a couple since Nov, friends for about 7 years...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:16 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

  • Well he cheated right into your relationship,,so it is a bit unclear if you were "all in' or not,, I am bothered by the fact he didn't get down on one knee with a ring,, I might tell him that you appreciate him saying he wants to spend his life with you,, You will consider making wedding plans when he actually makes a commitment,,
    BTW-how are you going to be married, are you moving there? Him to you? What do your kids think of him? I would also say due to his past history, you expect that no phone, internet, etc. would be off limits to either of you. I think in order to fully trust him, you will need to have the assurance you have access to all of that.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:28 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

  • Is he going to cheat every time you have a fight? A fight is not an excuse for cheating.

    If you don't trust him...and if you are asking us, probably should rethink marrying him. I'd suggest couples counseling BEFORE marriage.

    Good Luck Mama.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:30 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

  • Don't do it
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:32 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

  • If there is ANY lack of trust... that needs to be resolved first. couples counseling may be a good place to start. If he really loves you and wants to marry you, he to will want to resolve the problem and agree to get the help that you need to make it happen.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 10:39 AM on Aug. 29, 2012

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