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So how would you feel...

My ex and I have been separated for over 2 years now. I live with my bf and our 1 yr old son, and my ex and i share (if you can call it that), custody of our 5 yr old daughter and 4 year old son. He takes them on Tues and Thur (from after school, til 7pm), and usually on weekends, if nothing else is going on. Well, when he dropped the kids off to me tonite, he said he'd get them from school 2morrow, and keep them til sunday. I said okay, no prob. While I was getting the kids ready for bed, they started talking about how dad is taking them ice fishing this weekend. I'm kinda upset, since A. I think that if he plans on doing anything out of the ordinary with them, it should be discussed with me first, and B. I think a 4 and 5 year old are too young to be out ice fishing. I know my children, and their (lack of) attention spans. I just dont think this is a smart move. What do you all think~ how would you feel in this situation?


Asked by sarah6183 at 1:26 AM on Feb. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • Well, he has often shown poor judgement in the past. Its true, no one does know our situation, and I do not want to have to badmouth him to prove my point. We tend to be on decent terms, but only because I have to bite my tongue. But to answer your question, Progenitor, yes, i do tell him details regarding what i plan to do with the kids when they're in my care. Reason being, he is their father and i feel he should know whats going on with them when he isnt there. I just expect the same thing in return. And as far as whether I have primary custody, as Anon assumed, yes, I do. I also have my own home (no not our previous home as husband and wife), while he chose to live back home with his parents in their basement. I have the kids 5+ nights a week, he has them when he has the time, but like i said before it is usually tues and thur. i plan my schedule around my kids, he plans taking the kids around his schedule...

    Answer by sarah6183 at 7:05 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

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    Answer by mommatime78 at 1:37 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • His time his activities. Unless he's taking them out of the state or something, or unless it's in your court papers, he doesn't have to discuss every activity with you. (sorry)

    Now that you know about it, you have every right to express your opinion about to him about your fears.

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 5:56 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • He has no legal obligation to discuss his plans with you, just like you don't have to with him when the kids are with you. But for the sake of communication and the for the kids it would be nice if he would take you concerns into consideration. I know everytime my father picked me up, my mom just prayed that I would make it home alive!

    Answer by MommyAddie at 9:23 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I think you have everyright to know what they will be doing, especially if it involves something potentially dangerous! You should know where they will be ice fishing, for how long, and if anyone else will be with. The reason i say this; what if it is just he and the two small children? If there is no other adult, and God forbid he fell in the ice, who would be able to help him? Also, if anyone else will be going, you should have access to their telephone number, just incase. As far as knowing the location and time, at least then you will know their whereabouts should they not make it home. That should be the case with any family, split up or not. I cant beleve these answers where they say you don't have a right to know~ you gave birth to those children, and based on how often they are with you (from your question above), you most likely have primary custody, or placement. Do whats best for your children~ know where they are!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Do you ask him permission or go over the details of all the vacations you take them on? Do you guys discuss these things? You cannot dictate his ordered time with them, but you should be given a heads up about the activities. However I don't know your relationship, maybe he felt you would just needlessly bitch about it and since you may not have any say in it then it seemed pointless to him. He is their father and you have to trust him just like he has to trust you. Ask him for the courtesy of letting you now ahead of time, but be polite about it for the sake of your kids. You might have given birth to them but you wouldn't have been able to do so without him, right? But you both should be courteous enough to each other to give out those details.

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 1:13 PM on Feb. 6, 2009