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2 Bumps

I'm not overreacting, am I?

I have this friend that I've known for about 8 years or so. Every single time we hang out I have to go to her. I live pretty far from her and since I have to take the light rail to her house it takes me about 2 hours and 45 minutes to get there. I have suggested that she meet mw halfway somewhere but she only wants to hang out at her house. Also, she has a car so she wouldn't be spending nearly 3 hours on a bus and train. So she tells me she wants to hang out today and I told her no because it's way too far for me to make that trip without her even being willing to meet me halfway. She then suggested this restaurant that's 2 blocks behind her house and I got mad because that's not even remotely close to being halfway. So basically I told her that im fed up with the fact that I always have to go to her and she has never once been to my house or even my side of town. She said that I'm overreacting because it's easy for me to get there because im mostly on the light rail. I told her " you have a vehicle, if I can spend 3 hours on buses and train, surely you can make the drive here every now and then". She again started to say that I was overreacting, and I got so angry I hung up on her. I'm not going to her anymore, I don't think it's fair.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Sep. 1, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • I agree that she may have a phobia. I have a "safe radius" I can travel without having anxiety or panic attacks. I am ok up to a mile from my house and that's it. Just talk with her about it. I'm sure she'd miss your visits if you stopped them and she couldn't get to you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • I don't think you are over-reacting. She is not putting any effort into this friendship. Friendship should be a two-way street ... both parties ... sounds to me like this one is a one-way. 


    BUT! Does she have health issues (mental or physical) that prevent her from traveling? Just something to consider. 


     

    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 2:11 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • My first two thoughts are either she has some kind of phobia or anxiety attacks, or she may be short of money and doesn't want you to know that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:04 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • Thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

    No, she's not sick in any way, nor does she have any sort of phobias or anything like that, or if she does, they certainly don't get in the way of her going on road trips every few months. She drives to California to buy clothes and shoes pretty often. I could understand that gas is pricy, but honestly so is fare to get on tue buses and trains. I find it hard to believe that in the last 5 years she hasn't been able to afford to come out here ONCE not even on special occasions.

    I see where some of you are coming from,
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:16 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • Sorry accidentally hit submit too soon, stupid touch screen lol..

    Anyway I do see where some of you are coming from as far as apologizing for hanging up on her but I'm not going to apologize for anything. I feel like if she's going to be mad at me for hanging up and not acknowledge what she has done and said to drive me to that point, then oh well. I mean this has been going on for years and even I, the biggest pushover in the world, have a breaking point. I've had enough.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:20 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • I do not like relationships like that either. One sided. I would have told her it is time you came out to my house. If she said no. I would have said we are not seeing each other then.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:23 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • Also, I just moved out here about 2 months ago. Before that I lived waaay closer to her and she still never came to me. The first 2 years of our friendship we lived around the corner from each other, so she would come by but when I moved, she only wanted to meet at her place and I had only moved about a mile from where I lived before.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:26 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • I wouldn't be traveling that far just to hang out. 2-3 hours trip for me is a vacation day!
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 6:45 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • i agree you are not over reacting...if she is not willing to go out of her way to get to you...then that should tell you something. that's good you spoke up and said something but she should take your feeling into consideration before you even called it to her attention.
    libas.mommy

    Answer by libas.mommy at 7:30 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • thats too much time
    jazmya_mom

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 4:23 AM on Sep. 2, 2012

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