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2 Bumps

I'm not overreacting, am I?

I have this friend that I've known for about 8 years or so. Every single time we hang out I have to go to her. I live pretty far from her and since I have to take the light rail to her house it takes me about 2 hours and 45 minutes to get there. I have suggested that she meet mw halfway somewhere but she only wants to hang out at her house. Also, she has a car so she wouldn't be spending nearly 3 hours on a bus and train. So she tells me she wants to hang out today and I told her no because it's way too far for me to make that trip without her even being willing to meet me halfway. She then suggested this restaurant that's 2 blocks behind her house and I got mad because that's not even remotely close to being halfway. So basically I told her that im fed up with the fact that I always have to go to her and she has never once been to my house or even my side of town. She said that I'm overreacting because it's easy for me to get there because im mostly on the light rail. I told her " you have a vehicle, if I can spend 3 hours on buses and train, surely you can make the drive here every now and then". She again started to say that I was overreacting, and I got so angry I hung up on her. I'm not going to her anymore, I don't think it's fair.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Sep. 1, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • I don't think you're overreacting. It's not fair to you to take 1/4 of a day traveling just to hang out.

    Answer by idareyou at 12:52 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • You're not overreacting. This is a one-way friendship.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:15 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • Congrats on standing up for yourself! 3 hours to go for a visit? That is insane. You did the right thing and I would have shut that down a long time ago...ridiculous....

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:19 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • A one sided friendship is not a friendship. I would either apologize and say that I make all the effort to get together. If you already had that conversation, then what's the point? I have been in a similar situation and chose to cut ties.

    Answer by txnmomof4 at 12:49 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • maybe she has a phobia and cant travel far? I dunno, we always take turns but hanging up may have lost you a friendship.
    I would send her a letter or a note card asking her to please explain why she cant come? I can tell you I dont have the gas to go anywhere even though I have a car. I am lucky to keep 10 in the tank to get my LO to school and home. So it could be money too and she is embarassed?

    Find out why then make your choice!

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 12:50 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • I agree that she may have a phobia. I have a "safe radius" I can travel without having anxiety or panic attacks. I am ok up to a mile from my house and that's it. Just talk with her about it. I'm sure she'd miss your visits if you stopped them and she couldn't get to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • Yes you're over reacting. You can just say no, you don't have to get so angry you hang up. Give it a few days.

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:39 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • So long as you're Ok with burning that bridge- you're fine

    Answer by feralxat at 12:45 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • If she calls again just keep suggesting meeting half way but continue to say No you are not coming the whole way. Its fair to meet half way than to make you do the whole trip.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:51 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

  • I don't think you are over-reacting. She is not putting any effort into this friendship. Friendship should be a two-way street ... both parties ... sounds to me like this one is a one-way. 

    BUT! Does she have health issues (mental or physical) that prevent her from traveling? Just something to consider. 



    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 2:11 PM on Sep. 1, 2012

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