Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

HOW CAN I DEAL WITH THIS DAY TO DAY??

ON OCTOBER 2008 I FOUND OUT MY MOM HAS STOMACH CANCER AND IT HAD SPREAD TO HER SPLEEN. THEN THAT SAME MONTH WE FOUND OUT IT HAD SPREAD TO HER SPINE AND UTERUS. ITS BEEN SO HARD MY MOM IS GOING THROUGH CHEMO SHE HAS LOST HER HAIR ALREADY. I GOT TWO DAUGHTER THAT I HAVE TO STAY STRONG FOR BUT I FIND MYSELF JUST BREAKING DOWN AND CRYING MOST OF THE DAY. SHE IS VERY VERY SKINNY. U COULD SEE BONES ON HER FACE :(

Answer Question
 
tuty2403

Asked by tuty2403 at 3:45 AM on Feb. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (-7 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • This is hard because there is no miracle answer...you dont see a way through it now. But you will manage to get by...as hard as it seems you have to keep going and some how you will!!
    I wish the best of luck to you, your family and your mother!! My prayers are with you!!
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 3:53 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.

    In response to your question, why don't you allocate yourself half an hour each day where you can cry, hate, swear, scream & crumble without any consequence (it's probably best when your kids are in bed so early in the morning or later at night), and then carry on as stoically as you can during the rest of the day.
    Waxing_Lyrical

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 4:05 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I am sorry I have no advice since I have never been through this, cry if you have to it does no good to hold it in. Hugs to you!
    lapcounter

    Answer by lapcounter at 8:28 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I am so sorry your Mom,and the family are going through this.  I believe in the power of prayer!  I will pray for you, and hope you will pray as well!  {{hugs}}

    MamaDiane

    Answer by MamaDiane at 8:43 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I went through the same thing, my mother passed away in 2000 from cancer, I was angry, lost, confused. I wanted to know why would God give something so horrible to such a wonderful person. I watched her go from a healthy, active, salt of the earth woman, to a frail , angry, sad, person.... And she had every right to be sad and angry. What I learned was that we had to be strong for her, I sat with her, learned to care for her, in every way. We sat and had a long talk about my childhood and things we went through together. It was the hardest thing I have ever went through in my life... She was so strong thru all of it and It felt like it was so long, but then after it was over the time seemed to have passed so quickly... She suffered for 6 years and I was with her, with my son everyday until she was gone. I wouldn't change anything, I think including our son in the process was important......If you want to chat let me know
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I wish I could tell you. My mom and her sisters went through this with my paw paw. I think what kept them going was the fact that it brought the family together, and gave them a chance for some healing to take place. But I know that they dealt with it this way. WHile they did hope for the best (however small that hope was) they also prepared themselves for the worst. As odd as it sounds, allowing your mind to see all ends can help you deal with this better, even helped them deal with watching him grow weaker and weaker. They dealt with that by making him as comfortable as possible, buying comfy clothing, a new mattress, etc. They spent as much time with him as they could, and did everything within their power to ease his pains. It sound impossible and hard to deal with, but it helped them and pawpaw. Be sure to also set aside time for yourself to deal, either by crying, writing, punching a punching bag, anything!
    katzmeow726

    Answer by katzmeow726 at 8:50 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • God Bless I will keep u in my thoughts.
    mom2fivekids579

    Answer by mom2fivekids579 at 9:06 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • As difficult as it is, you really need to make peace with the fact that your mother may not survive her illnesses. Spend as much time with her reflecting on all of the POSITIVE memories you have shared, discuss how you feel, talk about whatever is on your mind, try and fulfill all of the little requests she makes. Make her as comfortable as you can. If she survives, you will have grown closer together, if not, you will know that you did everything you could to make her as happy and comfortable as possible, and should not have any guilt or regrets.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:08 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Tuty2403,
    I am not a religious person in any way, shape or form; however, through Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous I have learned about prayer and meditation and a Higher Power of your own choosing. Try to live only in this moment, because tomorrow is not guaranteed, and you cannot change the past. You can make amends, but you can't alter any deeds or misdeeds already gone by. Hold your mother's hand and tell her you love her everyday you are with her, and assure her you will be strong, and that you will be by her side through the whole ordeal. Life without obstacles wouldn't help us to grow. Patience is the key, and pull yourself up by the bootstraps and
    take one step at a time on this journey with her. Much love to you, your family and especially your mom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • thank u EVERY1! it helps to just let it out. i fear i might lose my mom. she is so young shes only 43 yrs old. i am 24. i feel like that child in me cant face reality. the tumor in my moms stomach is blocking her colon and he stomach gets big like if she is 6 or 7 months pregnant. shes always in the doctors getting her stomach empty. believe me its hard. but i thank u ladies for the prayers and i too am here praying. hugs for every1.
    tuty2403

    Answer by tuty2403 at 5:44 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN