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How do I get my fiance to stop taking his parents opinions over mine about our wedding

My fiance and I have been planning on getting married in sept. because he deploys in January. When he told his parents they convinced him it was too soon so he told me he wanted to push it back until July or August of next year when he gets back. I thought he wanted to wait because he wasn't ready but found out it was because of his parents. I told him how I felt and he agreed that this year would be for the best so we agreed on September 26th. His mom tried to talk him out of it again but I was with him so it didn't work. We both spent the rest of today excited and making plans. Then at 5:30 this morning he sent me a text message telling me we have to talk about the date again. His mom called him and told him she had a dream that was a warning that we need to wait. I'm worried that this is only the beginning of them deciding things in our life. I feel like he's more concerned about pleasing them than what we agreed is best.

 
tcross

Asked by tcross at 8:45 AM on Feb. 6, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (18)
  • Wellll Have I got a story for you :)
    My husband and I met Jan30th of 04. He lived 250 miles away at Ft Stewart. I lived in Atlanta, only miles from his parents. We fell hard and fast. We wanted to get married on March 15th- but his parents were livid. My dh freaked because he loved me but he knew his parents were concerned for a reason. We talked it out and realized we didn't want to burn any bridges... We invited them over and had a long adult chat about our intentions etc. We got married on St Patrick's Day of 04...
    I love that I have a man that respects his parents. I love that his parents ended up being worthy of that respect. I love that I have the best mil on the planet. I knew she was worried so while my hubs was at training I asked her for cooking lessons on his favorite dishes. It was easier to bond from there. They always say I was a great surprise :)
    Only you can know what you are getting into...
    CooksWife

    Answer by CooksWife at 9:06 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Tell him what I told my dh. Are you marrying your mom or me?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:47 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • If it is like this before you get married I really doubt it is going to get any better. It sounds as if they just want him to wait and not rush into marrying. How long have you been together?
    tessntylersmom

    Answer by tessntylersmom at 8:48 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I agree with the previous posters!!! And want to add...WHOMEVER is PAYING for the wedding gets to call the shots!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Yes...you call him and say you need a man who can leave and cleave....you do not need a MIL's imput everytime there is a decision.  If he is not willing to make decisions without his parents influence...he is not ready to be married.  Trust me....move on!  Maybe MIL's dream has another meaning - the wedding is off.

    MamaDiane

    Answer by MamaDiane at 8:53 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • (cont'd) and even with that you are rolling the dice a little. But let me say as military wife- you DON'T want to burn bridges if you can avoid it. Why not try sitting down all of you- let them know your intentions and how much you care. If they are good parents that have put their heart and soul into their son- maybe being able to see you for who you are (instead of the fear that it might hurt their boy) then you guys can all have a good start to an amazing life together.

    CooksWife

    Answer by CooksWife at 9:08 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Hmmm also- We did a JP wedding because we wanted to be married as soon as possible before dh's up coming deployment. For us, we didnt' know each other very well and needed that time to get settled. ALSO- if you haven't endured a deployment before- brace yourself. Your head and heart had better be in the right place. Our guys need strong women to come home to and it IS harder than other relationships. Check in to military one source after you get married to see if you can get counseling to be the best you that you can be for him when he returns and while he is away needing stateside support.

    CooksWife

    Answer by CooksWife at 9:12 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Yep - I have to agree w/the other ladies - if it is THIS bad now over a wedding date...just wait.. imagine what things will be like when you want to buy a house or when you have kids - will his Mom have a say in THAT too? BF needs to stand up to his Mom and let him know what dates work for YOU guys. (standing up to her now will be good practice for later) Who's wedding is this yours or BF's Mom? IF they are giving you guys $$ for the wedding it's going to be hard to get the wedding YOU want.
    Fooph121780

    Answer by Fooph121780 at 9:13 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • AND- it's sad that so many people are telling you "forget that" about his family. If they are crap... well whatev. But seriously- when you have to move... or have your first child thousands of miles from anyone you know... or when you need money because they jacked up his pay... or if you forget to change your address and need some one to pick up something local for you... or when you are in a pit of despair because you haven't heard from him in days and the news isn't looking good... or when he gets promoted and you want someone to brag to who will be just as proud... or when you need a place to stash stuff between moves... or when you need a place to crash with the kids between moves... or when you miss your husband and realize that the people most like him are in fact his parents (who better to chill with?)... or when your children start growing up and you have questions about your husband as a kid... YOU WILL NEED THEM
    CooksWife

    Answer by CooksWife at 9:16 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • mine did the same thing but the paid for us to have a $45,000 wedding so i didn't mind, i got to pick everything i wanted but they picked a couple thing they wanted also but i was OK with it, they were generous enough to pay for it and our honey moon.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Feb. 6, 2009