Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

How do you handle your kids?

My ds11 has been acting very silly, annoying at times and talking back (but in a way he tries to get away with it) I am sometimes too tired to deal with him. He knows what buttons to push but half the time I just tell him he needs to stop and respect me or I will tell his dad.
I believe all kids feel more relaxed with mom oppose to their dad, but I need to do something now before it gets out of hand...oh and I do (we) believe in spanking but my spankings don't hurt at least that's what my ds says...I really don't want to hurt my kids but hey it worked for me and my sibling (yup good old fashion spankings)

Thanks Ladies!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on Sep. 4, 2012 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (16)
  • I think your DS is past the point of spankings being effective. I would start taking privileges away. What things does he value the most? Freedom? Then he gets grounded. Socializing? He loses his phone / computer except for using it for homework. Privacy? Take his bedroom door off (this is sort of extreme and I have only seen a couple of instances where I thought this would be effective).

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:00 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

  • When our children got to this age and were disrespectful of me, I handled it as best I could. When Daddy got home, he got a full report, and they did not like having to receive discipline from him. They knew the rules, and they knew what would happen if they did not obey those rules.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:00 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

  • I have already been their. 11 is getting to old for spankings. It doen't work as well as they use to when they were younger. Time to start trying other things.Like chores. He acts up/talks back. he does the dishs or mowes the yours type stuff.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:03 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

  • I would run over you if you always said wait til I tell your dad. That shows lack of authority
    you get in his face apolitely but firmly tell him he WILL not speak to you that way and when he does it again you take his entertainment ways a week the first time, 2 the next and then its gone until you see a HUGE improvement.

    forgret the silly, its the age but the back talk well, it needs to be nipped now. Spanking an 11 year old is almost useless!!!
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 9:04 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

  • I try not to use the "wait 'til your father gets home" card. Too June Cleaver for me! lol :p I can usually nip it myself by letting them know when they've crossed the line. A firm "I mean it!" usually does the trick. If it doesn't, then I'm w/ QuinnMae about taking away privileges. I'd like to also add that an earlier bed time to someone at this age is also an effective deterrent. Be strong & be consistent. But don't lose your sense of humor altogether. :)

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:07 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

  • at that age there are things they care about losing- privelges of going out, or playing video games or losing an ipod or tv time...
    I think spanking when they are young is one thing but after about age 7 or 8 -it's time to move on to other things-because they work better.
    Threatening with dad- not so good either because they know YOU won't do anything and it makes them fear him
    each age has it's set if....issues and you need to find things that work for each kid.
    my son- it's the computer (games)-take that and his world is ending
    my daughter- it's being grounded

    fotunately for them, they RARELY have those things happen- because they are pretty good kids in general. They KNOW we will go there though-we have done it before
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:20 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

  • that should say- each age has it's set OF issues

    *I also agree bedtime can be a good thing to throw at them as well...we had to do that one with my son (but it was related to him getting up better and being nicer in the morning usually)
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:23 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

  • I don't like the idea of saying that I'll tell their father - that's one of the reasons they respect you less, because you set yourself behind your husband by doing this.

    I deal with disrespect by looking them in the eye and saying "you will NOT talk to me like that" in a very no-nonsense voice and follow up with "now apologize and try again". It works every time. If they start by rephrasing what they said I remind them that I want an apology first before I will listen. OTOH, I've been pretty strict with them from the start and they know when I mean business.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 9:28 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

  • 1. Has school started where you live? I know my 14 y/o son is anxious about starting high school and has been acting up. They don't start school until Thurs.
    2. Is he nervous about the amount of work he will have to do this year in school? If he did go back, is there something the teacher said to the class about the upcoming year that is setting him off?
    3. This is about the time where hormones start to surge and tweens are starting to spread their wings and test the water, so to speak. You have to stand firm with him.

    robinkane

    Answer by robinkane at 9:29 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

  • I don't explain why. Telling them to respect you, isn't going to get you respect. Saying what you mean clearly and sticking to it will make them respect you. I get right down face to face and calmly tell them that they will not speak to me in that way. It works for the most part. They back-slide every once in a while and if it's in public. I will ask them if they'd like me to embarrass them in the way that they just embarrassed me. And I have followed through with it.
    adnilm

    Answer by adnilm at 9:51 AM on Sep. 4, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.