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Am I being unrealistic?

I have been married for 17 yrs, our marriage has not always been easy. Which I know that is normal. My husband is a very intelligent person but when it come to common sense or just dealing w/ people he sucks at it!! I am to the point where I am so sick of his rudeness towards me & others. I have talked to him about it & he just doesn't understand why I don't know what he is talking about. When he speaks to me or the kids he talks in a real stern smart ass tone & I hate that!!! If I were to clean all day & I know the house is spotless, he doesn't say oh this looks great, he looks for something that was not done right!! I am so F*~*&^# SICK of it!!! He makes me feel so inadequate, like I just don't do enough. I'm a SAHM, we have 3 kids & I do all the house chores inside & out! Even mowing & making sure all repairs are done.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Feb. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Continuing from above

    I am just fed up w/ doing so much & not feeling appreciated for all I do. I've told him I don't feel appreciated & nothing changes. I am sick of being talked to like I am stupid! There is just so much more but I don't have enough room to write it! But thanks for listening!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Next time he says you haven't cleaned good enough for him. Do what I do. I tell anyone(including my DH). "That if you can do it better do it your self". Or if he says why didn't you do this today. I will say "cause I didn't want to, you want it done do it your self". That should stop all the BS he is talking.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:26 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I would point out a flaw of his, ex. well if the door isn't fixed the way you wanted it, maybe you should have been a contractor and done it yourself. It's suppose to be a mans job anyways.
    that way he knows that you are sick of the crap, and won't stand for it, and he's not exactly perfect either.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:29 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Sounds like he has an inferiority complex. It's HIS problem, not you. He probably feels inadequate and unknowingly takes it out on other people and makes them feel the same way.

    Maybe you guys should try counseling?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I know how you feel. I am typically a people pleaser and it sux when you work hard and it goes unnoticed or someone complains about it. It sounds like you are trying to measure up to his expectations. You may never be able to make him happy so stop trying to. Do the things that you want done and make you happy. It is hard for women I think because we want to be acknowleged for the things we do. on the flip side I think a lot of men complain that they work to provide and never get thanked because it is expected.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:41 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Sounds like maybe he's got something going on with himself that he's dealing with. Have you ask him if anything is going on? I know my husband can get like that when he is preoccupied, or if there's something weighing on his mind. When I ask him about it. He apologizes and says he didn't realize he was doing it. See if you can find out if there's something else going on with him. Just let him know in a nice way that you're wondering if everything is OK with him because he's acting this way.

    BlessedMommy64

    Answer by BlessedMommy64 at 11:44 AM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • My aunt is married to a guy like this. He was always insulting her and her kids. My cousin would do her chores and instead of just showing her what she missed, he'd get a real smart ass tone and say "You call that cleaning?" and a bunch of other nonsense. One night we went out to eat and he blew up at the waiter for something that wasn't his fault. Maybe they don't realize they're doing it? After the dinner incident he kind of looked at us with a startled look on his face. He told us that he didn't know why he did that and that he had talked to my aunt about signals she could give him when he started losing his temper. My mom asked him if he would get mad at my aunt if she tried that and he said no because he wanted to work on it. So try talking to him. He may have something else going on. He might even want to try counseling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • WOW!! I am in the same situation. In fact, we had a fight last night about it. He told me I am lazy. I am not a good house wife. WOW. I only do three things that is clean the bathroom, cook and do the dishes. Did I mention i have 6 months old infant that he doesnt help with and i work full time? Yea, I told him id show him what lazy really is. So, i told him i will not be doing anything from here on out but go to work and take care of my child. He said hed walk out of that door so fast. I told be my guest. I aint losing shit but eliminate my problem and that HIM and his damn baggages!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • some men only see the negative. I had to break off with a man like that recently bc it was driving me nuts and draining me of my self esteem (nothing I did was right or good enough), I seemed to have lost my sense of humor over it and decided I just don't like the man enough to endure his bad behavior an even reward his bad behavior with me being nice to him and giving him sex. That just made no sense to me so I cut the cord.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:27 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Dont let him make you feel inadequate. His behavior sounds like he is the insecure one.
    nana2u10

    Answer by nana2u10 at 5:50 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

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