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HOW DO I GET MY 14YR OLD GIRL TO STOP HANGIN OUT WIT THIS BOY SHE LIKES, HE'S 15 AND SMOKES CIGGARETTES!! HELP ME PLEASE!

SHE GOES TO SCHOOL WITH THIS BOY, SO I CAN'T TELL HER NOT TO SEE HIM. I DON'T ANSWER HIS PHONE CALLS WHEN HE CALLS AND I PRAY THAT SHE DOESN'T HEAR THE PHONE. BUT I DON'T WANT TO PUSH HER CLOSER TO HIM BY LETTING HER KNOW THAT I DISLIKE HIM SO. IT'S LIKE SHE DOES THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I SAY I THINK IS BEST.

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mika0101

Asked by mika0101 at 1:27 PM on Feb. 6, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 7 (168 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • are you only worried about him because he smokes cigarettes?.... Ur child is gonna be presented that with or without that boy in her life, Why dont you bring him over to the house and let them hang out there, that way you can meet him and see how things go. But honestly, he could be doing alot more worse things than smoking cigs, i mean i totally understand why it would bother you, and that you wouldnt want your child smoking, and all that other stuff.... But regardless of a boy, if she is presented the opportunity, It all comes down to her and what choice she makes.......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • the only thing you can do is not let her talk to him outside of school
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 2:15 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Annon is right - There are far worse things that could be going on. BUT - if he smokes, what else is he doing? There is a good chance he gets away with more than smoking...

    Talk to you daughter about the situation that this friend has presented her with. Talk to her about the ability to be friends with some one even if you don't agree with all they do and without being pressured to do the things she knows are not right for her. Try to learn all that she knows about this boy - Ask her if she thinks he's trying to date her. If the answer is no, you have far less to worry about.
    Katrinka_Renee

    Answer by Katrinka_Renee at 2:32 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I had lots of friends in high school who smoked (and not just cigarettes). I had no interest in smoking anything, and my friends respected that (I think they also saw is as more for them). Talk to your daughter, tell her your concerns, and ultimately let her know she has to decide for herself. She may just like hanging out with him, but also has not interest in smoking. You can't avoid this forever...

    mommyaunt412

    Answer by mommyaunt412 at 4:49 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Does she listen to you? At fourteen, teens usually think they and their friends know more than their parents. So instead of coming across as someone who is an "alien" and not understanding these issues, handle them very cautiously. Explain to her your concerns. Ask her questions, letting her answer you, so she doesn't feel you are trying to shove your opinions down her throat. Sometimes if we don't come off as being the overbearing parent, kids will choose a different path. But if she doesn't, let her know, whatever she does decide to, she will have to suffer the consequences of her own actions. Then leave it at that. That's what I did with my younger ones, and sometimes they would shock me by their intelligent decisions. Left up to them, they feel like you are trying to control them. If you let her know you are there for her, she may surprise you and take you up on it.
    1daughter5sons

    Answer by 1daughter5sons at 5:52 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Also I wanted to add...when they would come to me and tell me what they had decided to do...if it wasn't what I had in mind, but it was still a good plan, I would commend them. If it wasn't the right choice, I'd let them know that I didn't condone it but it was their decision and they would have to suffer the consequences. Some of my boys did smoke, but we had rules. They didn't smoke in my house, my car, or around me. They were never to expect, or even ask me, to buy cigarettes for them. I didn't condone it, so therefore I wouldn't help supply them with them. At 14, its hard to keep your habit going unless you can get someone else to buy them for you. So yeah, I did have rules that I stuck by and they knew I wouldn't budge on.
    1daughter5sons

    Answer by 1daughter5sons at 5:58 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • If your only concern is the smoking then to befirend him is the better choice. My oldest DD's friends all smoke it is no secret, she was very honest about it and the fact that they smoke weed on occasion. But I trust her, she knows exactly what her consequences will be if I find out that she has tried it. Her friends call her the nun, but they respect that she has no interest and don't push it. Her friends know I know (although at first they were shocked that she told me) they also respect that if they want to smoke, they must go outside and away from the house...even though I smoke. It is illegal to smoke under 18, I will not rat them out but I don't want to see it.

    14 is a tough age, not a tween but not a full fledged teen either, depending on how open of a relationship you have the best course would be to get to know him, smoking doesn't equal a bad person, just a misguided teen.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 8:44 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I would get to know the kid
    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 3:02 AM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Speaking as a teenager that put my parents through that once or twice, she's going to see him whether you like it or not. If she knows you don't like it, or if you try to stop her, she'll do it behind your back, which is even more discomforting. Instead of trying to force her not to see him, give her something else to do. Let her start playing soccer or something that she'll practice regularly, that depletes her time that she can spend with him. Also, if he smokes cigarettes, oh well. It could be a whole hell of a lot worse, like drugs or alcohol abuse.
    ktrog

    Answer by ktrog at 9:47 AM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • You cant... End of story
    almostamommyof2

    Answer by almostamommyof2 at 6:34 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

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