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5 Bumps

My 20 daughter is acting out.

Just the facts...My 20 year old daughter and I have always had great communication. She has always been respectful and loving. Great grades until High School. Decent grades through High School. Has had a job since 15 and a half. Tried college for about 2 years. After continuously failing... I learned she had not been honest with us when asked about school. Is working partime (about 10-15 hrs/week). She is dating a boy (20) and he is the third unemployed, unmotivated guy she has dated. Found out from him he has been arrested several times and of course claims he was a victim of circumstance each time. Recently had heart to heart with her and explained college may not be for her. She was very relieved and together as a family came up with a plan. Must work full time, until then may go out late or stay out 2 nights/week. The remaining nights must be in by 10pm(she easily falls into a problem of sleeping all day and can't sleep at night) . This allows her to look for a full time job bright and early. Needs to focus on how to get into flight attending which is her goal. Once she has full time work needs to pay rent and help out. Then she will gain her freedom regarding curfew. Boyfriend is not welcome here to protect us and other children. We don't approve of him but can't stop her from seeing him. She won't agree and has since left to think things through for a few days. Keep in mind for the last 4 years she has had a master bedroom with bath (which she cannot keep clean) (therefore moved her out of it and put her a smaller room),, no chores, cosigner for car, education, supportive loving family, etc. is what we are asking unreasonable? When she left she didn't take her car so I am left thinking its on us now because she is not working enough hours. Therefore, I did not let her take anything but some clothes for work. I explained we now have a car loan of 9,500. And that makes her stuff ours. Like if a person gets evicted and stops paying and won't leave...! They are locked out. I hugged her and we cried and I left the door open if she reconsiders our requirements. Oh yeah and she drained her savings without my permission! Ugh. As of now, it's is the toughest thing I have had to do. I absolutely don't want to lose her! Anything, thought, ideas, advice...would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Answer Question
 
Bblah

Asked by Bblah at 12:26 PM on Sep. 6, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • As a young woman who moved out at 17, I feel the new plan will be more successful. You're giving her the opportunity to thrive or fail on her own, but she knows you're there for her. Way to go mom!
    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 8:55 AM on Sep. 22, 2012

  • Good luck. Sounds like you are headed in the right direction.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 3:36 PM on Sep. 30, 2012

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