Just the facts...My 20 year old daughter and I have always had great communication. She has always been respectful and loving. Great grades until High School. Decent grades through High School. Has had a job since 15 and a half. Tried college for about 2 years. After continuously failing... I learned she had not been honest with us when asked about school. Is working partime (about 10-15 hrs/week). She is dating a boy (20) and he is the third unemployed, unmotivated guy she has dated. Found out from him he has been arrested several times and of course claims he was a victim of circumstance each time. Recently had heart to heart with her and explained college may not be for her. She was very relieved and together as a family came up with a plan. Must work full time, until then may go out late or stay out 2 nights/week. The remaining nights must be in by 10pm(she easily falls into a problem of sleeping all day and can't sleep at night) . This allows her to look for a full time job bright and early. Needs to focus on how to get into flight attending which is her goal. Once she has full time work needs to pay rent and help out. Then she will gain her freedom regarding curfew. Boyfriend is not welcome here to protect us and other children. We don't approve of him but can't stop her from seeing him. She won't agree and has since left to think things through for a few days. Keep in mind for the last 4 years she has had a master bedroom with bath (which she cannot keep clean) (therefore moved her out of it and put her a smaller room),, no chores, cosigner for car, education, supportive loving family, etc. is what we are asking unreasonable? When she left she didn't take her car so I am left thinking its on us now because she is not working enough hours. Therefore, I did not let her take anything but some clothes for work. I explained we now have a car loan of 9,500. And that makes her stuff ours. Like if a person gets evicted and stops paying and won't leave...! They are locked out. I hugged her and we cried and I left the door open if she reconsiders our requirements. Oh yeah and she drained her savings without my permission! Ugh. As of now, it's is the toughest thing I have had to do. I absolutely don't want to lose her! Anything, thought, ideas, advice...would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.Answer Question
Answer by wendythewriter at 1:57 PM on Sep. 6, 2012
Answer by adnilm at 1:07 PM on Sep. 6, 2012
Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 1:41 PM on Sep. 6, 2012
Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:45 PM on Sep. 6, 2012
Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Sep. 6, 2012
Answer by Mme.Langley at 12:36 PM on Sep. 6, 2012
Answer by winterglow at 9:34 AM on Sep. 7, 2012
Answer by older at 10:07 AM on Sep. 8, 2012
Curfews for a 20 y/o won't work. Making helpful suggestions & offering your moral support is about all you can do at this point. Sitting back & watching them make mistakes is one of the hardest parts of parenting. Trust me, been there, still going thru that w/ my middle son. I watched him spiral after his dad died 2 1/2 years ago. I let him know I was there for him & offered suggestions, but couldn't make him follow that advice. Just had to be there to pick up the pieces. The tough love some of the other moms spoke about is really what you need to practice here. She may not understand or will fight you on it now, but she will thank you for it later. Best of luck to you both.
Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:56 AM on Sep. 8, 2012
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