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Is it ok for a husband to masturbate but not have sex more than once every two months? Has anyone else had such a problem?

He watches porn on the computer screen and masterbates to it, I have caught hime twice when I have arrived home early. I would not mind if he also had sex with me once a week maybe. It is hurting our marriage and I am losing desire for him with such long periods of no sex at all. I instigate sex but he often is not able to complete it always has a lame excuse. He is good in many other ways but I feel a coldness from him that past 4 years. It is getting me depressed to live with a man who will no l onger have sex with me. Anyone have this problem? He swears he is not cheating and he says he love me dearly. I have very confused. I still have desires at least 2-3 x a week and would like a partner to share them with.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Feb. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • try counseling?
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 2:16 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • sound like maybe porn addiction?
    like the frist poster said, mariage counceling?
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 2:22 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I think you should ask him if you can join him when he's looking at porn on the pc.... If not then yes there may be a problem. Be open with him, what have you got to lose?? It surely wouldn't be sex. Goodluck to you..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • No, I don't have that problem..luckily and no it's not ok.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 2:38 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I'm very sorry that you are faced with this. Porn is such a horrible addiction. I'd challenge you to get this book: Every Man's Battle. It's a fantastic book, and it really gives you insight into how a man thinks. He shouldn't be neglecting you, at all. That's not right. I'm sure there's a bigger issue there. Now if he were looking at porn AND having sex with you, it wouldn't be as bad. I think you'll have to try to figure out what the bigger issue is. Sit and try to have a serious talk with him, and see if that helps. I'm sorry, I know it hurts....I've been there before. ((HUGS))
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • ! NO MAN WOULD LAST WITHOUT HAVING SEX AND BY THE WAY IF HES MASTURBATING WHILE HE WATCHES PORN HE SHOULD GO GET CHECKED BECAUSE HE OBVIOUSLY HAS A ADDICTION PROBLEM..... AND I THINK THAT IF MY HUBBY WOULD DO THAT THEN HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T FIND ME OR BE ATTRACTED TO ME ANYMORE=( BUT ANYWAYS WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK HUN.......
    Naralie

    Answer by Naralie at 3:49 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I'd give him an altimatum Either you quit watching porn and be with me or either continue and we will get a divorce (Some men get addicted to it and really don't need it in their lives at all because it causes too much trouble, Other men can handle it better)
    Also, You might want to watch Fireproof (A movie you can get at Wal-Mart) with him and then bring it up after watching the movie. I think You should get him to agree to get rid of ALL porn, Go to counseling, watch that movie and work on your marriage..Give him a choice to do that or leave.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I fully understand how you must be feeling. My husband looks online porn but goes further and joins dating sites. I can count on my hand how many times I have had sex in the past 4 years! I really don't have any answers. I wish I did! I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't me and that I will have to move on if things don't change. Intimacy is a huge part of a healthy relationship and if your husband is getting it from the computer than it makes you feel less of a woman! If your husband agrees to counselling then try that first! Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Porn can be the cause OR the effect of not being able to make love to you, his wife. Have him see a doctor, and if nothing is wrong, go to counseling. I don't think it's just a phase, and I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's cheating. Ask him if he really expects you to go the rest of your life with no sex life.
    callmeann

    Answer by callmeann at 7:42 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • He's probably still in love with you, that's why he stays. But he just isn't sexually attracted to you anymore. You are the only one who can change that. You have to figure out what's different. Find out why he would rather look at porn then be with you. Women use "addiction to porn" as an excuse rather then accept the fact that they have changed more then their husbands sexual appetites can tolerate.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

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