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ive got a 3 year old and he hasnt seen his dad over 1 year, we broke up, he is not a good dad he was violent to me and from of my kid. and was a alcoholic, ive heard he is in jail and he keeps telling me that he wants to see his kid. he was never bothered before to spend time with him before, he did used to get him everything he needed but thats all. he is telling that because am not bringing my kid to see him that he is going to hate me when he grows up and leave me and find him, and am scared that would happen now. i dont know whatever to let him see his son or not

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Asked by sarah429123 at 6:07 PM on Feb. 6, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • No you dont let him see him until you know hes straightened out. I think these guys all take the same class because my rotten ex told me the same thing and he was a drug addict. I think the exact words were "When they are teenagers they will run into my loving arms and never talk to you again!". Guess what? They are teens and adults and think their dad is a scumbag because he is. I never badmouthed their dad, I let him screw up on his own. I offered him supervised visits and he refused. When he finally did straighten out the kids were almost teens or teens and it was too late and they didnt want to visit. You do whats best for you child. Offer him supervised visits and tell him he has to take random drug tests until you know hes sober.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:10 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • As your child grows, PLEASE be honest with him/her. I wish my mum had told me about the abuse my bio-father had been doing. I would have had better info to avoid injury.

    Answer by MsChevious at 6:17 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • IF he's straightened out, THEN he has the right to see his son.

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 6:32 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • yea i would tell him about his dad when he asks and how he was like. but i just dont know if i should take my son to go and see him in prison, coz am not gonna lie i hate his dad so much for what he done, but my son has started to keep on saying the word dad dad, i dont know were he got that word from and it breaks my hard because he is not with him. i think if you love your child then you wouldnt do something stupid and risk not seeing him like ending up in prison, but then on they other hand i think even though, he is a drunken violent rapist, waste of space man,i should let him see him because i heard my boys without a dad end up bad, coz they didnt have a father figure. i really dont know

    Answer by sarah429123 at 6:32 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I never had the chance to meet my real father. All my life all my mom did was tell me what a low life he was,and she has'nt helped much in my search for him now that I'm an adult. I totally resent her for that. He is part of me and I am part of him .

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 6:43 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I don't think you should have to allow your son to his bio dad right now. I agree that he needs to straighten up first, even it takes years. You can inform his dad what's going on in his son's life and let your son write him letters..but taking you son to prison, I just don't think that would be good for either of you.

    When your son gets older, explain to him the situation, your family was dealing with at this time. Let him have the choice to get to know his father more.

    I think if your worried about a "father figure", you should try relying on maybe a grandfather, uncle, or when he gets older, "big brother" programs. You son would benefit more from having a positive male model than someone that can't show him how a "real" good man should act.

    Answer by lilmommy0416 at 7:01 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • This is still all about *him!* He is trying to intimidate you. How about he think about the child for once? Your son is three, why would you want to bring him to a prison to see a drunk who is still about about HIMSELF? It isn't like he's sending nice letters to your kid and humbly asking you to pass them along to his boy. What a toad!

    Can you get his parental rights revoked if he is in jail? can you move far, far away and make sure he doesn't know where you are? Like out of state?

    Answer by Trixiebelle2 at 7:35 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • he's trying to manipulate you at this point.. a jail is not a place to bring a 3 year old and a loving father would know this. There are other ways they could communicate that do not involve actual visitation. Ultimately the choice is yours.. but if you are going to do something to get your child more involved with his father, I would start by mail (pictures, etc).
    IMO though, I would try to get the rights dissolved, if the father was abusive to me, he's going to be abusive to his son.. Most abusers use any form of manipulation they can, in order to scare you, and make you bend to their will, so I would not do it.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:06 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I think I should have read a little more before I answered. He sounds a bit like a monster! I'm so sorry for your situation.

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 4:24 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

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