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PLEASE HELP ME -Well me and my husband are having some rocky times right now.

He always wants it his way or no way. Sex, Cloths and every thing. I do everything for him I get his lunch ready in the mornings at 4 and take care of are 2 baby boys. He has never changed our 4 month olds diaper ever.

I really want more attention from him. Every friday night he goes out with his friends and I have not had a break in 4 months. Though he does work 40 hour weeks. I take care of our 14 month old and 4 month old and him what should I do.

I dont want to get a divorce because i want my kids to have both parents growning up. But thats where I am at not.

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Asked by jyssi1557 at 8:29 PM on Feb. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I think you should sit him down and talk to him and let him know how you feel, if that doesnt go as well as planned, ask that you two go to counseling. Let him know that you are hurting because you need more time with him.

    Answer by camtri3 at 8:33 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Try to sit down and talk to your husband, he needs to understand. Make him understand, tell him your his wife, his equal, not his maid and babysitter!. But I will say if it comes down to a divorce, don't worry so much about the kids. Honestly I was never happier when my parents got divorced, because I went from living in a sad, angry, depressed home. to a happy home. My parents were content and happier when they split. So sometimes it's for the kids best interest. (Not endorsing a divorce for you, i'm just saying if it comes to that point, don't feel so bad for the little ones). I say do what makes you happy because ultimately in the end it's better for everyone

    Answer by smnice at 8:34 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Counseling sounds like a good idea. Meanwhile how about working on one issue. He goes out once a week, and you certainly deserve to go out once a week also. Tell him that you are glad that he gets a break on Friday evenings and that you also really need a break. So what evening or day will he be willing to watch the children. Just a couple hours. You can shop or go to a movie or get together with friends, but you need a break. In addition, you and he should have a date night once a week. Either hire a sitter if you can find one you trust, or have your date night in- after the children are down for the night, he can bring some carryout meal or you can cook one, and you and he sit and talk and listen to music or watch TV or play monopoly or put a puzzle together or something.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:38 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • you and him both read "the five languages of love"
    calmly and non-judgementally tell him what you need out of him and your marriage, then ask him what he needs and LISTEN (both easier said than done!)
    guys are dense! they need everything spelled out for them! tell him you need a break, tell him they way you want things done.
    and while doing all this try not to be judgemental or bash him, use I statements, not YOU statements

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 8:39 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Go out and get this book - Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Great book and it will really help you out.

    Answer by feesharose at 8:50 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • Let him know that you have some concerns & how important the marriage is to you. Do some research on Marriage counsiling & then ask him if he would be interested in going. Show him the information on the person you would like to see. If he refuses to get the tools to help the marriage then it's up to you to decide what to do next. I would recommend going without him if he wont go. At least you can learn a few things & realize that a marriage will not survive without two people working together. It would be good for you to get out & talk to someone where you can vent, cry or just discuss matters that concern you & your needs.

    Answer by onespecialmom at 8:50 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I suggest tough love. Part of the way we are treated by other people comes from how WE allow others to treat us. So, sit down with hubby. Tell him what isn't working for your situation right now and spell out what HE needs to do for you and the kids. And if you are taking care of him hand and foot....STOP. Make him make his own lunch, do his own laundry, dishes, etc. Explain that he HAS to change a diaper once in a while and either stay home on the weekends more or take you out too. No more "guys night" until he helps you out!! (if you have the time) Make a play-by-play list of what you do for him and the kids on a daily basis and include times. This may help him realize how much you do in a day and how long it takes (= to a 40 hr work week!!!) Be strong, stand tough, cause if Momma ain't happy, then no one is happy!

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 8:56 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • thank You but my husband is a very angre man he will get really mad and tell me if i do not like it then i can leave

    Answer by jyssi1557 at 9:26 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • I'm so sorry you are going through tough times right now. You're trying so hard to be the "perfect wife" but it is a two way street. Don't put yourself down about being home with the kids while he gets to go out to work and has a social life. You are both doing something very valuable for the family. Staying home with babies is a tough job; isolation, fatigue and no adult conversation. I agree that the first step is always to sit down and have a talk. Get a sitter, make a nice dinner and talk like to adults that deserve respect. Ask ahead of time when would be a good time to get together to discuss things so he doesn't feel ambushed. And try to avoid accusations and speak from the heart about how you feel (and not that it's anybody's fault). Real love begins with ourselves, and you are teaching your boys how to treat the women in their lives. Demonstrate that you feel worthy of love and respect, then receive it.

    Answer by TammyMichelle at 9:49 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

  • if he tells you "if you don't like it then leave" do so!
    he will either realize that he needs to change, or you will realize that you can do it with out him and dont need him.
    call his bluff, it's the only thing you can do sometimes

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 10:26 PM on Feb. 6, 2009

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