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Can a 17 yo really know for sure that he is gay? Can he be confused?

My 17 yo son just confessed to me that he is gay. He said he's tried to fight it and even prayed about it but he said he can't help. He is attracted to boys and not girls. I am shocked and confused. I reassured him that nothing he says or does will change my love for him but I am hurting inside. How can he know for sure that he is gay at 17 yo? Is there anything I can and/or should do try to find out for sure or do I need to just accept it? I don't know what to do. I am devastated and scared for him. I don't want him to suffer judgement, criticism and cruelty in life because of this. Is there a way to changed him? Can he simply be confused?

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ConcernedMomof6

Asked by ConcernedMomof6 at 11:58 AM on Sep. 14, 2012 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • He knows at 17 he is as attracted to boys just as you knew at 17.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:00 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Of course he can be confused but by 1 I think he pretty well knows were his desires lie.
    The confusion would not be in the gay part but in the possibility of being bisexual.
    GL to both of you.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:01 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • A 17 y/o pretty much knows. Accept him and love him regardless of who he loves. You will both have richer lives for it. The easier you can accept him the tensions won't appear. Don't try to change him. It's his choice and his life.
    robinkane

    Answer by robinkane at 12:05 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • I'm pretty sure they do. How old were you when you realized you were straight?
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 12:08 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Thank you. I just found out last night and the emotions are still so fresh. I have a whirlwind of questions and concerns in my mind. It is certainly not something I expected or wanted for him. I am very sad indeed. Don't even know how to handle the news, what advice to give him and how to be around him.
    ConcernedMomof6

    Comment by ConcernedMomof6 (original poster) at 12:08 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Advice I don't know except to be the person he is. How to be around him The same as before the news. He is still the same person you love.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:12 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • He might be confused but yes I do think it's possible to KNOW at that age.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 12:14 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • PFLAG


     Do not base your treatment of your child on who he sleeps with. You wouldn't ask these questions if he brought home someone of a different race. Treat this the same way.


    Make sure he has a strong support system. Let him know he's loved. Let him know that if he faces any bigotry based on his sexual orientation you will take on the world on his behalf- you know the regualar "Mom" stuff.

    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:17 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Of course it's possible. I knew I like boys when I was in the 4th grade.
    ABeaverhausen

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 12:35 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Is there anything I can and/or should do try to find out for sure or do I need to just accept it? You just accept it and move on.


     I don't know what to do. I am devastated and scared for him. I don't want him to suffer judgement, criticism and cruelty in life because of this.  No one wants it, but sometimes people are just plain mean


    Is there a way to changed him?  Nope.  You don't get to control who you are attracted to. Nothing in the world is going to control that.


    Can he simply be confused? It's always possible, but not likely.  You still support him the same way you always have. Homosexuality is not contagious. There's no need to fear it.

    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 12:59 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

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