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Are our children a reflection of us?

I had a discussion with a neighbor today, I stated that I was very embarrassed of my child actions. She said that she would never be embarrassed of her children's choices because they own them. I respectfully disagree I think up until they leave home they are a direct reflection of my husband and I an our parenting. Does that mean they will be perfect? No but I was flabbergasted at what she said.

 
Melbornj

Asked by Melbornj at 10:23 PM on Sep. 14, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 41 (131,581 Credits)
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Answers (15)
  • I think that up to a certain point, they are definitely a reflection on their parents. Case in point, one of my friends is a pre-school teacher and she had a child on his very first day of school EVER run up to her desk, break a container she had sitting there, get up on her chair, and start pointing at kids screaming "fuckers...you're all little fuckers...nasty little fuckers...butt fuckers." She was so shocked she didn't know what to do! I guess the mother came in pajamas, streaks of strange colors through her hair, and a cell phone in her hand texting and said "I bet it is the music he's listening to." YEAH RIGHT. And even if that was the truth, he's FOUR..what music is he listening to that the parents don't provide?

    Sorry about my rant, but LORD YES I think that little boy is a reflection of the parenting he has received. At age 4, what else do you know but what you've been exposed to?!
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:43 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • I think to some extent they are a reflection of our parenting. They are also their own people and make decisions that we may not be proud of. You can only take so much responsibility before you have to let them take some responsibility for themselves.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 10:28 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • To some extent. Kids are born with their own unique temperament - some are more compliant, some are more willful, some are easier and some are harder. I have 5, all raised the same but my current 3 yo (not my youngest, so it's not that he's the baby) is much more misbehaved than any of his siblings. He's just more stubborn (obviously from his dad - ha!). We're trying to direct his stubbornness in the right direction but it's taking time. Personally I think teens are a more accurate reflection, when parents have had time to mold/direct/impress kids a little more.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:34 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Yes and no. Even todders show that they have minds and personalities of thier own. Think about it. If you only have one child look at a fmaily that has a few. Are they all basically the same? Of course not, If they are not all the same then how can they all be a reflection. I grant you that as we have more we gain experience, but then how do you explain the rotten egg in the middle of the pack or the "perfect" one near the end or beginning.

    Certainly we are the ones who train our children. But so do teachers other family members and the media and, yes, their peers.
    They have their own brain chemistry and physical make up and their own personality. If you do not make the own what they do, you will fall into the trap that you are responsible for all their failures and mistakes and they never grow.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:40 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Hm, yes and no. Our children, though OUR children, are still individuals and will make their own decisions regardless of their age and how they were raised. I believe as parents we instill our values in them so yes in that way they reflect us but what they do with is a reflection of themselves.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 11:46 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Good Lord! I hope not. LOL.
    Okay, kidding aside, yeah, pretty much.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:28 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Children do learn from their parents. but they also learn from any one else around them such as teachers, babysitters, and clergy.
    robinkane

    Answer by robinkane at 10:55 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • Unless my children do something drastically wrong like take someone else's life or such, otherwise, I have confidence that I sat a good example for them and taught then well.....but if they ever did something I did not approve of, I would not be embarrassed, we are all human and make mistakes.....mistakes most of the time teach us a lesson.....

    older

    Answer by older at 8:46 AM on Sep. 15, 2012

  • Yikes..

    But yes, I see a lot of myself in my son when I was his age and when we were both babies.
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 10:32 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

  • I expect a certain amount of respect and manners to come from my child toward me and others.After all, that is what I've spent years teaching them, not squelching their opinion. I mean, what would embarrass an adult by a young child? Something a child has heard/seen that is rude or inappropriate. That is the fault of a parent IMO.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:59 PM on Sep. 14, 2012

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