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What if you want more kids but your husband doesn't?

My husband and I have two wonderful children a boy and a girl they are a little under a year a part . They are both potty trained and both in school. For the past two years I have told him that I want another baby and he just doesn't want one. My biological clock is ticking and I feel like I am running out of time.

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sexzy99kitty04

Asked by sexzy99kitty04 at 10:51 AM on Feb. 7, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

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Answers (9)
  • i'm making this anon because i'm going to get bashed for saying this... but accidents do/can happen ;o)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • It is the other way around for us. I don't want anymore and he does..but in the end he agrees with me because he is military and he knows that he has missed out a lot already with the son that we already have. And to the pp, that is just wrong, and if you did something like that I would hope that your husband would leave you! That is deception/lying and is that a good foundation for marriage?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Yes you are going to be bashed anon! That is dishonest and shows you do not respect your husband at all! My advice would be to find out why he doesn't want another. It may be finances which is a good reason, although it sucks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Well we want 5 kids- we only have one now but i've been wanting another one for a few months now... He wouldn't even discuss it with me.. we are slowly getting to the point of discussing it and decided end of summer/fall were going to start trying again. Why so soon (in his mind soon) because coworkers and people that ask if were going to have more kids and he says yeah but not for a few years tells him that he doesn't want them to far apart and finally got his little mind thinking- thankfully!! :) My point- maybe have friends talk to him saying you don't want just two do you?? or something like that and plant the seed in his mind.Maybe his feelings would change if he heard from others rather then you.
    And what are his reasons for not wanting another baby..
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 11:20 AM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • It is a touchy subject for us. At first I didn't want any until my husband was out of the military (and he wanted another right away), but then he decided he was "a lifer" so we talked and we decided that we just wanted to wait a couple of years and then "retouch" on the subject. But now that I have found out that I cannot have anymore, it is really really hard for my husband and for me... I believe that it something that needs to be agreed upon by BOTH people in the relationship. Out of respect for each other. I absolutely DO NOT agree with anon 11:12.

    CarieP

    Answer by CarieP at 11:38 AM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • You have to go along with his wishes. A child is the responsibility of both of you and if one doesn't want one, then that is it. It would be so dishonest of you to not respect his wishes. If having another is a deal-breaker, then get some marriage counseling. You could ask him if he'd be interested in adopting an older child, perhaps.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:44 AM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Ok, the first response is just moronic and lacks complete respect for another individual that you are supposed to love!!!

    It really sucks to be in your position, but you BOTH have to agree to have another child. My husband and I have gone back and forth about the issue ourselves so to an extent I can understand your side. It takes 2 yes's to have another baby and only 1 no to not have one. All you can do is talk to him about it, find out his reasons. Maybe they are really valid and yours are not realistic? Or maybe he'll see things your way. But either way if you guys don't agree in the end you're going to have issues with it.

    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 11:59 AM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • You and your husband should sit down and write the pro's and con's of having another, both of you need to be honest...you with the con's, him with the pro's. Then discuss what each of you wrote, you need to listen to each other. I know it is hard for woman when having more kids feels like a physical need, and men see it in a different light. So just be honest.

    As to Anon and the bashing, my last was an "accident" not on my end, the hubby's, I can't prove it but am pretty sure of it, cause he felt our littlest at the time needed a sibling. It isn't right...but it isn't the end of the world, and sometimes the only way to "get" something you want is to manipulate the situation........Don't get me wrong I don't condone it at all, just throwing out an opinion.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 12:14 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • I mentioned in another post my dh had decided the two we have 3 1/2 ds and 8 yr.old dd were enough for him ;Though I had told him I wanted one more child .I am 44 and he is 46. However we were given a surprise blessing of being pregnant in December, but then I m/c Jan 10th.Once he got his head wrapped around the idea he was excited and was talking to the baby/ my abdomen. I do beleive a child should be conceived in full agreement by both parties or "a mutual oops" I told my husband I still wanted another child, He has seen how excited I was when finding out I had been pg. but also the great concern i had at him being angry/blaming me for being pregnant.I beleive he realizes I respected his feelings greatly about having another child.By the way he didn't blame me nor was he extreamly angry.He was more in shock . After hearing about the latest set of octuplets he asked if I wanted that ,i said no lets go for 10 "cheaper by dz."
    gardeneraholic

    Answer by gardeneraholic at 1:40 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

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