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Just got the phone call that out private adoption won't go through... I am beyond devastated.

We got a phone call last night informing us that the mother had decided to abort. She was 14 weeks. Right at the very end of the time frame our state allows. We had an appt next month to learn the sex. I am so upset and angry. I don't know why she chose to do this. Money was not a hardship for her- she had medicaid and we were paying her transportation to and from drs and we were going to be paying her for her time away from work as per our agreement. I just don't understand. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. We were prepared for the fact she my decide to keep the child after birth but this just never even crossed my mind. How could she? What would make her do this? Whatever it was we could have helped her. Why did she have to kill our baby?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:42 AM on Sep. 20, 2012 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • hugs


    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:53 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • It was not YOUR baby. It was her body. It was her decision. The why can be many reasons. Maybe she didn't want to parent and didn't want someone else to parent either. It's a valid choice. If you can not understand why a woman would make that choice you are not ready to parent any child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • hugs  I am so very sorry for your loss.  


    Answer by MizLee at 8:05 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • I am so very sorry that this happened to you.

    Answer by adnilm at 8:08 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • I'm really sorry that it happened to you and I understand that you are devastated.

    Aborting was still her choice because it was still her baby and her body even if you already felt like this baby was yours.

    I hope that in some months you will be able to adopt a child to call yours.

    Answer by ajc03 at 8:12 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • I will never adopt again. We decided last night that we would never attempt it again. She was so cruel we will not put ourselves through that. Not only the emotional strain but we paid the agency thousands of dollars that we will never get back to put towards another adoption. This was our chance. She stole it. And it was our baby. She never even refereed to it as hers. She would mail me ultrasounds with notes telling us how our baby was doing just and and how our baby was keeping her awake at night. When she said she had no way to get maternity clothes we mailed her a gift card to motherhood because we wanted to help her- she was our baby's biological mother. We took care of her and to abused us. Even the lady at the agency was upset for us. She said this is the first time this has ever happened. that many have backed out but this was a first for her in her 5 years working there.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:18 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • and anon. I am more than ready to parent a child. Her body her choice whatever BUT she pulled us into it. She took our money and our care. She offered us hope and Joy. She was 'so happy' to help us complete our family. We had discussed her wants and needs and agreed to help her all the way through then she ripped our heart out. If abortion was still a consideration she should not have agreed to adopt out. This is not a happy ending case where the bio mom decided she could care for her infant it was theft and cruelty.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:21 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • sorry..i think she shouldve been more responsible that if she were going to make that decision and if that was even crossing her mind she shouldve done that way sooner!!

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:21 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • this could have been a scam all along.

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:22 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • " It was her body. It was her decision. "

    True but this was a contract, an agreement, you do not enter that lightly. You do not string people along with false promises while milking them dry... and then kicking them in the teeth. She clearly didn't have the maturity to understand that she had taken on responsabilities.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 AM on Sep. 20, 2012