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How do I approach my boyfriend about looking at porn?

My boyfriend is looking at a lot of porn, and I don't like it. He most of the time waits to watch it until after I've gone to bed. It really bothers me... But there are times that he'll watch it while I'm making dinner or something. I've seen what porn can do to relationships, and I don't want that to happen to ours. But I don't know how to approach him on it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Feb. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • porn only hurts a relationship when you let it by trying to forbid it. My hubby watches porn and I couldn't care less because I know he's sleeping with me at the end of the day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • I agree with the above ANON post. Watch it together or just let him be. I do think it's a little weird to do it while you're making dinner though.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 1:41 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Theres nothing wrong with looking at porn its totally healthy to do. In fact if he wasnt you should be more concerned. The only time it damages a relationship is when one party is unwilling to accept that the other is doing this and that it IS normal. You can try looking at it together. You should pick up a book on Human Sexuality.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • If he is watching it a lot, like too much then I would do something about it. Talk to him and tell him he needs to slooowww down.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Actually anonymous 1:48, that's not true. Some men develop strong addictions to porn and completely neglect their wife. I hate when people say it's because the wife is unwilling to accept it...That's not always true.
    I think if people want to watch porn in moderation then sure, but if it becomes a problem to where you become dependent on it then no.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Theres nothing wrong with looking at porn its totally healthy to do. In fact if he wasnt you should be more concerned. The only time it damages a relationship is when one party is unwilling to accept that the other is doing this and that it IS normal. You can try looking at it together. You should pick up a book on Human Sexuality.


    Ditto

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 2:34 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • try to watch it with him. May be you wean him off the porn onto you.
    yoshiki56

    Answer by yoshiki56 at 2:41 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • There are split views on port, I guess if you want to look at it with him, fine. My hubby would consider it disrespectful to watch now that we are married. He told me that when I first married him and asked if he had stuff like that. I honestly have watched them before but wouldn't want to watch that stuff now. Plus we have children in our house and I would DIE if they ever got their hands on a DVD like that.
    armywife_2000

    Answer by armywife_2000 at 2:54 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • I'm not a big Dr. Phil fan but I totally agree with him on this one, here's a link http://drphil.com/articles/article/54/


    I think you should definitely say something. It is hurtful to you and the relationship. Things like lying and gossiping are also common or "normal" but that doesn't make them healthy. Stand your ground. Most women's natural, initial reaction to something like this is the correct one. It is insulting and hurtful. It IS possible to stop. Both my husband and I have been addicted in the past and both of us have quit and are much happier. Your boyfriend may need some help though (counseling or someone to keep him accountable) and he'll have to want to do it, if not for him at least for you! You are are more important.
    karlyflower

    Answer by karlyflower at 11:53 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • As far as how to approach him. I would pick a good time when neither of you are tired. I would stick mostly with telling him how this makes you feel instead of accusing him. Give him your reasons on why it is unacceptable to you and how it makes you feel and then see what he says. After he knows your feelings on it he should hopefully choose you over his addiction. If he does not then it is up to you whether you want to stay in the relationship. I wouldn't continue to nag him after he knows your feelings/thoughts.
    karlyflower

    Answer by karlyflower at 12:05 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

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