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Lonely much?!

Well, this may end up being a vent more than anything. My husband used to be in the military. He has been out 3 years and has only been able to find one job (the current one he has) due to his very limited field of work. He makes good money in civilian contracting, the catch however is we move, A LOT! We literally always live never knowing if the current week we are in will be our last at the current job site and we'll be sent to another, or if we are here for a year or more - all depends on the contract. Due to this, the company provides hotels and sometimes apartments, depending which job site we are sent to. We had our first baby May 2010, and due to issues in our relationship (long distance taking its toll) I began to travel with him so our family could be together. In March 2012 we had our second (and hopefully last) baby, We planned both of our children, so they could be close in age. However, this whole hotel thing is wearing on me. I feel blessed that he provides and I can be the mommy staying with my babies, but being the history of our relationship, I wouldn't feel secure living long distance permanently. I am in a hotel room with a tiny fridge and a microwave, the frustrations of never knowing where I'll be makes it hard to put my 2 1/2 year old (who has light autism) in preschool. You never know what kind of city you'll be in next, or where the parks are etc. and although I do my best to have a schedule, breakfast,learning time, outside (drive to park) time, and book time and pickup room time etc.. and I almost lost it yesterday for a split second when we returned to our room on the third floor, and but keycard didn't work. Both my kids were screaming, my two year old was fussy he had to come inside, and my daughter wanted to eat. Living conditions here can cause stress, and feels like my job is thankless, I thought "I can't do this"..I feel lonely, I feel guilty for even thinking that. I don't think I am "depressed" because I wake up with a positive attitude and try to do it all over again. But, I also feel so alone, my entire parenthood has been "on the road" meeting other women briefly. I feel frustrated to often, I don't want to take it out on my children, so I often yell at my hubby when he gets home and feel guilty for that. I sometimes catch myself getting after my son and speaking to sharply - he has autism and at times seems unable to comprehend consequences- that alone is an issue of it's own. I don't want to be that crazy mom who snaps, I love my kids, more than anything. When do I need help, to talk to someone? When does it become a concern or problem? I guess I am looking for support, or encouragement more than anything. I know I am rambling, but if I continue to think I "can't" do this or don't want to, it will affect me, my approach as a mother, and sometimes I feel I want to go to the bathroom, throw a bottle of shampoo against the wall and cry. The times I do break down and cry, I feel guilty for doing it in front of my children. I never have a moment alone because I live in a hotel, I keep the bathroom door open, because my son insists on trying to climb on my daughter the moment my back is turned. Unless i wake up at 3 AM to showever. Sometimes I go 3 days without washing my hair. The only "bath" I get lately is climbing in the tub to give my daughter a bath. My hubby works all day, so being thoughtful towards me seems to be non-existent I am not sure what to do next. My husband said he now wants to join the military, so we could "be in one place" since they usually have you stationed at one place for 2-3 years. That ACTUALLY sounded good vs. this whole hotel living and he's tried to find permanent jobs, but has yet to get an interview the last three years. So it's either this job, or military. I know military he would probably deploy, which I didn't want that for him before, I still don't but I am feeling so empty that it's whatever at this point. I am not sure if I need therapy for myself, as a mother, need therapy for my relationship with my husbands or a damn happy pill. I don't feel depressed all the time. But writing this out, makes me feel like I am. The pros are: he makes good money, we are together and the kids get to see their Daddy everyday.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Sep. 20, 2012 in General Parenting

Answers (3)
  • In almost every town I know, even small towns, churches have mothers day out programs. Get out your phone book, wherever you are, and make some calls and ask. Learn who has a place where you can leave your children for a couple of hours. The ones in my area are free. Some do ask that you contribute a couple of hours of your time there, watching the children of others so they can have some free time. Even that is a good thing, because you will be with other moms who have children the same ages as yours. And you will be able to find support and encouragement as well as getting some relief from the strain.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:18 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • Is a RV an option for you? Just a thought to hotels. South Dakota Has lots of jobs.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • It sounds like what you need more than anything else is stability. You need to stop traveling with him. Whether that means he joins the military so you have a stable home even if he's deployed, or you simply set up house somewhere and he comes home to visit when he can, is up to the two of you to decide.

    Get some stability and then evaluate things. Once you're settled in a home, your son is in preschool and has a regular doctor who can help you determine if he's autistic and what you can do to help him, and all that other stuff, then you can better see if you have any kind of depression or something that needs to be dealt with.

    Also, what is it that your husband does? Is it something that he could find a way to turn into a full time, in one place, job? Or could the skills translate to another job that would allow him to be home with you guys?

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:44 AM on Sep. 20, 2012

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