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How to explain a step-sister to my son?

I just got engaged. He has a one year old and I have an almost five year old. I'm not sure how to explain that he will have a step sister soon. Any help?

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SaraD1989

Asked by SaraD1989 at 7:33 PM on Sep. 20, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 18 (5,457 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Just tell him that he can have sister/brother from other families and when two people get married and they have their own kids they become their sibiling
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 7:35 PM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • ^ this.
    and congratulations!
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:37 PM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • Lol. Bonus? I'm nervous because my mom is a step mom to my half brothers. She had it rough with one in particular. I was very skeptical about even dating him cause he has a daughter but I've decided that he's worth going out of my comfort zone. I just want it to go smoothly for both him and her.
    SaraD1989

    Comment by SaraD1989 (original poster) at 7:44 PM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • if you are worried about it being rough with a 1 year old, then truthfully don't get married,, I am not being snarky, but don't have feelings for one as a "step" and one as blood.
    BEFORE you all tie the knot, have the 2 of them spend alot of time together, if this is an issue for you kid (ie new dad,new sibling) then don't get married.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 8:26 PM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • I'm assuming they've met? It likely won't be a huge deal for him right now. I was 8 when my mom remarried and I have 2 step brothers, they were 4 and 6, my bio brother was 5 - we really didn't think any thing of it other than "cool, more people to play with!" Just expect some bumps along the way, it happens. I read recently it takes around 6 years for a blended family to "gel" completely. From experience both as a child and a mom I would say that's about right.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:27 PM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • Is he sole parent or does he have joint custody of his dd? If he has sole custody, she is young enough to not know any better and you WILL be her mother, step or not. Your son is also young enough that he will not even think of her as a step but a true sister. She won't know any better and will think of him as a true brother. Congrats to both of you.
    robinkane

    Answer by robinkane at 8:32 PM on Sep. 20, 2012

  • Rather than emphasize the step-sibling relationship, why not "explain" who she is in relation to her father?

    I'm not sure where you're at in your process. He may have met your new fiance but not his daughter, yet. Explaining who she is would seem to me to be a matter of explaining that she is this man's little girl.

    If your son knows her but is trying to understand the "step sister" thing (who she will be in the family) then emphasize that you plan to marry and you will make a family together. You'll be adding this person as a husband & his daughter will be part of the new family you are making, just like your son is. If his visitation is fairly limited and the little girl won't be as present in your household as your son is, then that may be the thing that needs contextualizing--how she spends time with her mother, too.

    Seems like him having a firm grasp of this child as your fiance's daughter is the place to start.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:00 AM on Sep. 21, 2012

  • DH is the baby of his family. When his parents married they each had 2 or 3 children already. His dad sat them all down and told them there were no steps or halves in their family, they were brothers and sisters, end of story. 40 years later, they all still see it that way. He'll know what you tell him.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 7:34 PM on Sep. 21, 2012

  • just let him know other people have other children and we become one family.
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 9:05 PM on Sep. 21, 2012

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