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What do you think is fighting fair?

Do you ever get called names or insulted? Does your husband ever make things up that you are doing just to be more insulting of you? Does he ever give you a chance to explain yourself? Does he ever accept your apologies without gloating? Do you do any of these things to your husband? What in your opinion is the best way to deal with issues in your marriage?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Feb. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Ive been verbally abused for thirteen years and I am finally moving out its hard to know I use to think I deserved it. Good luck in what ever you do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • I think the fair way is to try and RESOLVE the issue CALMLY. Not fighting and insulting. That only makes it worse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • dh called me dumb once. So I called him a bastard, we were both so hurt. because I have big insecurities about my intelligence & dh was adopted and therefore has a problem being called a bastard. Since then name calling is a big no-no in my marriage.  We have discovered that gloating is immature and we talk through everything.  Communication is key too all marriages.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • I was in a relationship like that for a long time. BUt i got smart and moved on. My husband now is wonderful. He is a very forgiving man and controls his temper very well. Only occasionally does he get really upset and even then he isnt mean, just honest.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 4:27 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • really we only call names if its true, for instance if I am being a b**** then he will tell me that I am and the same goes for him if I think he is being a a-hole I let him know, but thats just how things are for us and others may not agree, no he doesn't male things up because he if he were to I would just tell him to prove it and he never could so that wouldn't work for him, really when we do argue we end up talking things out because we are just totally honest about what we are upset about, and whoever is wrong gets to say they are sorry, but since we look at things like we are both entitled to our own opinions and feelings niether of us is ever really wrong
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 5:04 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • It isn't right. DH and I have never experienced anything like that. But his last marriage was sort of that way. He called her nasty things. But you have to look at both sides and she was going out and flirting and kissing on other guys and being a bad wife (though don't tell her that she feels she was a good wife). If you have a good man, like my DH then all it takes is treating him good for him to treat you good. You get what you put into it. So if you are not being a good person then don't expect him to treat you very well. But some people are pieces of crap regardless and if he is one then you need to figure it out now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Name- calling is childish, even if it happens in the heat of the moment. If it's something you'd take one of your children to task for saying, you shouldn't say it either. My DH and I have been together 4 years and we've argued a few times, but never actually had a "fight."
    A good rule I heard once, though, that I tried to live by in my past relationships, was: "The first person who shouts loses the arguement."
    Period. If he raises his voice, the arguement is over, go into seperate rooms and shut the doors until you cool off.
    Koukla12905

    Answer by Koukla12905 at 6:04 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • The #1 rule is to never say anything negative in the heat of the moment! Walk away when you're upset or angry. When you've calmed down, then TALK it out. If in the process of talking, either one gets agitated again, repeat the above until you ARE able to discuss things like mature adults! Otherwise you'll find yourself apologizing for things you now regret. AND, you or your husband will likely wonder if what was said in the heat of the moment is how you REALLY feel--you know the moment when your censor button isn't working! LOL

    Avoid the use of "You ALWAYS" or "You NEVER" those words never result in a discussion--just more anger and you start to lose sight of the original problem. Sometimes it's necessary to swallow your pride and apologize (even if you know you're right), and/or agree to disagree!

    When all else fails, seek the help of a relationship counselor or mutual and trusted friend/family member to mediate!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:21 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • I have learned over the course of two really bad marriages and one now good marriage that honest communication is the only way to work anything out. Compromise and trust are also most important. No marriage is perfect and there's always something to fight about if you want to. I think you should always pick your battles. Sometimes things aren't as bad as you think.
    Insults and name calling isn't right but it does happen, always remember you can't take something back that's said. So just think it. I always thought monthly meetings might be a good idea just to set things out that your feeling aren't working or things that might. Hope it helps. There's always the good old marriage counseling that might help set boundaries. Good Luck.
    rhondalee66

    Answer by rhondalee66 at 8:35 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

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