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Relationship

When is enough enough? Though he has never hit me or cheated on me physically(that I know of, though he has had several "internet affairs"), he is not a nice man. He is mean to me when he talks to me, we have nothing in common anymore. All he wants to do is hang out w/ his friends & drink. He spends money that we don't have. Everything is all about him, what he wants. He makes fun of me because I am a born again Christian. I am happy because God gives me happiness, but I am unhappy at the same time. He is going out tonight w/ his brother and a couple of guys from work (who are not good influences on him). I am afraid that he is going to cheat on me. I try to be a good wife, I bend over backwards for him. I just don't know what to do. Advice? Kind words?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Feb. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Honey, if ur not happy, then move on. Sometimes the first marriage u have isnt always gonna work out. I hate to say it, but that is just how it is now adays. In the long run, u will be able to find someone better that makes u happy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • God frowns on divorce, (my personal belief) I do not want to get divorced. I will feel awful. I am able to put on a happy face for our child. I have no education, no job, no family, no friends, nothing. I can not just leave. I am terrified of being a single mom. No man will ever want me and my child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • *hugs*
    *hands over a steaming latte or beverage of choice*
    Hun, if he's not making you happy, then tell him.
    going out to the bar and not taking care of his household is a sign of a man who doesn't care.
    Maybe find somewhere to stay for a little bit to "scare" him into thiking you're leaving and see what happens. You'd be surprised at what men do when they realize that they've bee acting like fools.

    As for Anon 6:54 above me
    There will always be a man that finds you sexy and desirable. If your husband doesn't make you happy, then find another. God frowns on divorce yes, but he also wants you to be happy.
    In Canada,(where I'm from, I'm not too sure how your governmant works for this) the governemt will pay you subsity and give you child taxes for you to live with. The governemt will pay you up to 3,000$ for living and another 2,000 for your child. They help you find a house and a job as well.
    DesignerMom0801

    Answer by DesignerMom0801 at 6:04 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • That Is Not True That No Man Will Ever Want You And Your Child. My DF Wanted Me After Being Divorced With Four Children. Also God Does Not Frown On Divorce In The Case Of Adultery. Internet Affairs Are Considered Adultery. Look For A Women's Shelter If You Have No Where To Go. They Will Help You Verbal Abuse Is Abuse So You Can Even Go To A Battered Women's Shelter. Just Explain Your Circumstances.
    Kari_Noelle

    Answer by Kari_Noelle at 6:07 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Go out and get a couple of books and put them to work for you! Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes and The Love Dare. I've read the first two and seen the movie - Fireproof. I'm a Christian too and don't believe in divorce either, these books have saved my marriage! IF you ever want to chat with someone that has the same views as you do, please send me a message. :-)
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 6:21 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • All you can do is be honest with yourself and seek counseling. But if you are not being honest with yourself then it is pointless. I'm not accusing you, but I know women that say that they are good wives but trust me their actions tell a different story. I'm not a Christian but I don't advocate divorce either, but there does come a point where if you both are not willing to help your marriage then you have to be willing to move on. Don't beat yourself up over it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • I am a good wife. I do everything for him. I follow the example laid out in the bible on how a wife is supposed to be. I am always sacrificing for him, giving him what HE wants, doing what HE wants. I always do what HE says. I am willing to work on my marriage, but he refuses to go to church, he refuses counseling, he refuses to read any books, watch any movies, anything. I guess he thinks as long as he is getting his way than he is happy and that is all that matters to him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • 6:47 PM Anon/OP

    OKay, YOU do EVERYTHING for him...what does HE do for YOU?! A MARRIAGE is a PARTNERSHIP. A partnership requires TWO people each giving and taking their FAIR SHARE!

    You may believe that God frowns on divorce, but I would venture to say that God frowns on those who take advantage of others, who hurts others, who deceives others, who abuses and uses others MORE than someone seeking to be treated with kindness and respect!

    God helps those who help themselves!

    You may have many opportunities at love, but you get only one life! Make the most of it, and be happy! You and your child are worth it!!!

    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:02 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • OK I'm just curious, you posted this question twice and after everyone gives you advice that might work, you shoot back with something else that he does. To me it sounds like you are done and don't really want things to work out. If you're not actually willing to work on things, then why ask this?
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 8:33 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Sounds to me like you are afraid to admit you want a divorce and you are looking for approval here. Don't. FOLLOW YOUR GUT.
    Watch the movie Fireproof, it is a good movie. It's about a "love dare"... long story short a couple is about to call it quits, and this guy promises his dad he'll take on a "love dare" for 40 days, doing a different assignment pertaining to his marriage each day. Trying something like this before you throw in the towel may allow you to walk out with a clean conscience if things still didn't work out.
    Just DON'T push religion or consoling onto him. Go yourself, and invite him each time but if he refuses, let it go. Don't be angry or resentful. Try ignoring him for awhile and focus on yourself. Keep reminding yourself you can only control YOU, and you're only responsible for YOU. Stop doing for him- it'll catch him off guard. He knows he's got you tied around his finger.
    AlleyK

    Answer by AlleyK at 10:11 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

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