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18 year old and fiance

I am living with my fiance of 7 years and my 18 year old has came back home after bootcamp. He'll be leaving for school the end of summer. Its been tuff.. alot of friction. He says my son is too quiet, dont try to talk to him (he's quiet and fiance sees it as rude) and he says that he should automatically help out more even without being asked... and should he pay board??? Sorry for all the areas, just need advice. Thanks

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Feb. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Your fiance should respect your son's personality. Some people are just quiet. 18 year olds don't really help out just because..especially when they're with mom! If you guys want things done you'll have to make it known. There's no reason to have friction over unspoken rules. I personally wouldn't charge my kids board if they were going back to school. Let him enjoy or save his money, he just got out of boot camp for goodness sake!
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 6:38 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • can I ask you something else? should I ask my 18 year old out to dinner with us? and out with friends with us? or should that be our couple time... ??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:50 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • You definately need some only couple time, or really grown up time. It's fine to invite him with some. I would personally go out without him a couple of times, then invite him with. If you start that way, then it isn' t just a family nite, it's mom's and SO's nite, and I got invited to go with.

    I've been on the other side of this before, and just telling everyone what is expected is the best thing possible. Just make sure everybody is on the same page. It's never too late to post the rules on the fridge. Your son is probably trying to figure out his role too. Good Luck
    redhddiva

    Answer by redhddiva at 8:05 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • If I had a son in the military I would not ask him to pay rent while he was still enlisted. I think military service is enough.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:40 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • I think you are your son's mother and your fiance is your fiance...not your son's father. If your son is quiet then your fiance should respect the fact that his personality is a quiet personality. This is where you have to step up to the plate as the mom and take a stand against your fiance in your son's defense.
    HeatherTurner

    Answer by HeatherTurner at 9:52 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Maybe it bothers him to see his mom shacked up (if it were a friend he may just see it as living together--but your ARE his mom:-) with a guy and he doesn't want to express that to you. Sons can be that way with their moms:-)  I would not charge him rent since he isn't there but for a little while. ENJOY him as much as you can because you never know what his future holds. Your SO should mature a bit and honor your relationship with your son. And he should perhaps make a better effort at getting to know your son and not just "judge" him as rude.  Yes, he should help out but he may be wondering --am I a guest or family member--it may be a bit confusing for him. Just ask him to do some of the chores. Hopefully he learned some responsibility in boot camp and won't have a problem with it. But talk to him about it:-)

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • After 7 years in many states he is now your common law husband--not fiance.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Your fiances needs to grow up and get over your sons personality. Sounds like your s/o is jealous of your kid.
    chyna_doll

    Answer by chyna_doll at 10:41 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • You are asking for trouble. He is already over stepping his boundaries. Who is he to tell you anything about your son? He is just another man. Not his father. Easily replaced. It doesn't matter how long he's been in your life. I'd put him in his place or put him out.


     And I could never charge my child board. He's my child. I support him, he doesn't support me.

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 6:38 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Thanks for all the advice. I had a good talk with them both... seperately. And think things will start to turn around. Keeping my fingers crossed.
    Not charging board, does need to help around the house some, BOTH need to make an effort to talk/do things together.... And I need to remember I am dating/engaged to my fiance and that he is who will be in the house with me forever. My son will go out on his own soon and find a girl and marry etc.. and that is life. He can go with us some, but I need to remember not to put fiance on the back burner.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

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