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Once you have kids, do you feel like its harder to keep "childless" friends?

I got married at 19 and had my first child at 20. All my other friends were either single, or in the beginnings of what eventually became long-term relationships. Looking back, I can see how friendships slowly tapered off, especially after I had baby number 2. Now having had baby number 3 last Dec, I realize I only have one close friend left from back when I first got pregnant. I know some of those friendships ended on my terms (I couldn't keep up with their nightly partying, and got tired of the drama and gossip). But it felt like some of them stopped including me once I had a baby. Did any of you go through that?

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Asked by sarah6183 at 7:12 PM on Feb. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • We've dealt with having alot of our friends not be able to handle the fact that my husband and I are so close and made it through the storm..... my mom died when I was 20 and we have been together since I was 18 and I'm now 30. We had bought a house, got married and had a baby all by the time I was 24 and I think alot of them were just haters.... banking on the possiblity of us failing and when we didn't it was like they faded away with jealousy and couldn't handle the fact that I turned lemons to lemonade losing my mom so young and with no inheritence I might ad and most of them lived home still well into their late 20's and some still haven't left the nest so we just made new friends with couples we had stuff in common wth mostly through work but it was hard at first because we matured so much faster than them that it was like we were living in different worlds with nothing in common so we moved on...bye bye

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • yup.. once I had my first all my friends disappeared

    Answer by ZaTa at 7:29 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Yes, but really it's natural. They can't relate to how you're living your life so friendships weaken and you're focus is opposite from theirs so common interest fades. When they do have kids, they will probably call you for advice! Do you meet other moms at school? That's when I really met other parents that were in my proverbial boat!

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:30 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • Ohh believe me I have gone through it and I still am..

    I was honestly younger than you when I had my first (I was 16) and I mean school helped by keeping through 'childless' friends but once I graduated..I honestly dont have ANY 'close' friends who dont have kids. I guess its just because our priorities are different now. And considering I have 3 children now, its honestly even hard to keep friends who only have 1 child! Its crazy

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • yea, I did manage to meet a few other moms at my daughters school... but the sad reality is once your child is in school, its like high school all over again! the moms are all competing, or trying to live through their kids, you know? Don't get me wrong, I made a couple friends. But the rest... not worth the time. Then there are the parents that you can tell dont even care about their children... those ones make me sad! One example~ who sends their 5 yr old to school in 55 degree weather with just a sweatshirt? And the mom basically dumps her at the curb daily... come on, she's five! I could see if she was in third grade or so, and at that stage where she's embarrassed to give her mom a kiss goodbye and what not, but at 5, its just sad.

    Answer by sarah6183 at 9:08 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • most of my friends have kids so i have no issue there .but i have like three friends who dont have kids and they love kids so no issue there either ....

    Answer by britme1027 at 9:32 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • yaa i have no friends anymore either..i used to have ppl i could call up anytime, anyday and be like heyy lets go for coffee..or have noone..except my mom..its a shitty feeling not havin any friends

    Answer by alexis_06 at 10:12 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • yes I realized that very quickly.

    Answer by alwyzonthego at 11:26 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • yea, i kno what you mean. i had my oldest at 17 and i had lost most of my friends by the time i had him because i couldnt party. i only have one friend from before i had my kids, well i guess two, their godmother and another close friend, but all the rest have their own familys now and live in the city. i live in the county. too far away to visit. or they r at college. so yea i kno i lost all my friends from before i had kids.

    Answer by mamaof2boys148 at 11:43 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • yep. People with out kids do not understand what it takes to be a parent. You can't drop everything to be with them anymore and they don't get that either. Thankfully I have a kick ass best friend who has stuck with me through everything. Although she lives half the country away. I don't really have friends here though. All of my friends growing up are still childless and now I just don't have the time to make new friends.

    Answer by peppermintmocha at 11:53 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

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