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Discipline and helping my husband

My DH is wonderful with my DS except one thing...he lets him get away with EVERYTHING! It seems like in some ways my DH is very leninent with my DS but then causes un-necessary temper tantrums the other half of the time.

For example, the other day my DS wanted to watch a movie, and my DH said flat out, nope, grabbed it from his hands and walked away. He burst into tears. That problem would easily be fixed by him saying "It's not movie time right now, lets put it down and play with cars instead." However, the other night during bath time, I come in and my DS is throwing all of his toys across the bathroom laughing and my DH just keeps saying STOP. I immediately told him that is not ok and we never throw our toys and right away the behavoir stopped! I am a bit of a control freak, but it really does drive me crazy!! Anyone else dealw ith this? I've spoke to my DH about it and he says he is trying,b ut i don't know what else to do! I am thankful though that I have a great DH who loves spending time with my DS though. Hope I don't sound too bratty! :)


Asked by Sarahbeth7 at 3:41 PM on Sep. 24, 2012 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (11)
  • It is definantly great that he loves spending time with his son. The fact that he said he is trying is good too. I would try talking to him again about your concerns and how you too can work together and be on the same page when it comes to disciplining your son.

    Answer by JennieMarie1103 at 10:28 PM on Sep. 24, 2012

  • You keep on saying MY DS? This is not your DH's kid?
    Every parent, parents differently. You will just have to get use to it.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:48 PM on Sep. 24, 2012

  • Yeah men suck. They aren't thinking about the whole picture of teaching good manners and stuff- they just think "oh crap i made the kid mad, how do i fix it right now??"

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:43 PM on Sep. 24, 2012

  • Yeah, he sounds like my DH sometimes. Basically, he will figure out how to be more diplomatic at least to he save himself some aggro. I've heard it said that having differences between parenting styles can be very good for kids, ( just not your blood pressure.) GL

    Answer by tessiedawg at 9:24 PM on Sep. 24, 2012

  • Sounds like you both have to agree on how to discipline first before dishing it out. Sit down with him and agree on some rules of parenting and write it down. Your child be completely confused if one parent contradicts the other. You have to be a united front. Also discuss what happens when a new situation arises and what would be the preferred way of handling it, such as does one parent defer to the other on certain subjects? Approach this talk as also wanting to get his input since you value it, too, and making sure that you come to some sort of compromise.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:47 AM on Sep. 25, 2012

  • try talking to your dh again and explain if you can, a plan of action type thing, so you are both going along the same kind of route discipline wise with your DS

    Answer by san78 at 9:04 AM on Sep. 26, 2012

  • Oh do I hear you sister! My DH is a full-time student while I work full time. He mostly does school at night and stays home with our DS during the day. He's a great dad, but I often find him overriding me in the discipline department, i.e. not wanting to hear DS cry and letting him play or giving something he wants while I'm trying to get him to take a nap. I talk to him and start off by letting him know how grateful I am for all the good he does. Then I express how it worries me that DS is getting mixed messages because daddy never says no. He'll work on it for a while. I think sometimes, dads just want to play and don't have all the mothering instincts we are blessed with. Sometimes, they just plain don't get it.

    Answer by Reenieredhead at 11:52 PM on Sep. 26, 2012

  • mine is just the oppisite

    Answer by WHITELIGHTJENNY at 2:12 PM on Sep. 30, 2012

  • I saw this when you posted. My thought would be to engage my partner at those times (or sometime after observing something, when you can actually talk), to find out how he is feeling about the various scenarios. Checking in about how someone is experiencing something helps to make it less about "instructing" (and by implication, criticizing) and also helps to bring us in touch with what is actually going on for them, so we're not just assuming.
    I agree with one previous poster that differences between parents & their styles (or individual personal limits) can be healthy for kids. This is because they are encountering real flesh-and-blood parents, and not just people implementing "parenting strategies." Real people responding authentically is preferable for relationships, as well as much easier for kids to deal with. (It's the difference between "I don't have the patience for that right now" & "Why are you being such a pest?")

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:56 PM on Sep. 30, 2012

  • So I would want to explore whether certain behaviors are a big deal for him or not (is he bothered by XYZ going on, or not really phased?) and explore how he feels when he's saying "STOP" to his son with little effect (does that bother him, increase his frustration, make him feel a bit inept or at a loss?) and explore his feelings about crying/tantrums (just how he's actually feeling about those situations that he contributes to by his it particularly stressful, would having a different way to approach the interaction seem desirable or unnecessary, etc.)
    This kind of noticing & talking can open up a lot of communication that "pointing out problems" isn't as likely to stimulate.
    Being able to accept up front that the two of you may have different tolerance levels for some behaviors is helpful & (I think) important. This isn't about correcting something wrong, but about addressing your own discomfort respectfully.

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:09 PM on Sep. 30, 2012