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Ho much privacy do you give your 12 yr old daughter

I have a daughter who is on probation, has behavior issues,vlies, decieves, does things even though you tell her not to, been to YDC, etc. If you found a folded up piece of paper on her bed when you went into her room to place cean clothes on the bed would you read it? Well, my husband did and we found out some shocking stuff and when I posted it I was told by another mom that I invaded my daughters privacy and should be ashamed!! My daughter lives in my house, which me and my husband pay for, I feed her, cloth her, take her to dr app, etc and there fore I feel she has limited privacy!! Am I wrong!! When I say the letter stated some shocking stuff I mean stuff about her wanting to have sex, condoms, and her telling her so called boyfriend(the only place they see each other is at school and at church occasionally) to" bring it on!"

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Feb. 7, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • First of all I do not believe that any kid get to have any privacy. I believe in searching their rooms. Just in case somethings up. You did the right thing. What you said about your DD you should be going threw her room Dayle

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:37 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • With as much trouble as she has been in, she really hasn't earned much trust. I think as parents you two did the right thing. If she wants privacy she needs to earn it by staying out of trouble. At 12 I can't really imagine how much 'privacy' one would need anyway. Especially considering 12 year olds are having sex now.
    KalebsMommee

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 10:00 PM on Feb. 7, 2009

  • The previous poster made a very valid point... Your daughter has to EARN privelages and respect and yes TRUST. If your daughter is acting like a juvenille then you treat her like one no matter how old she is, that is a rule in my house. I have a 13 year old and she has these rules, some things I can trust her with some I cannot, she knows that by acting smart and using her common sense is the key to how she earns privelages, it works well. Yes I have invaded her computer, her room when I feel she is not behaving ways I think she is, secondly any parent not taking more interest in their tweens or teens, is really giving their kids open freedom to do as they please, to me that is not healthy.
    TheFriskyKitty

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 11:14 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I don't think you did anything wrong. I think you have to do whatever you have to do to keep your kids on track, or get them back on track. She is young and has already been in a lot of trouble....she left the paper out on her bed in plain sight, too. Not that I think snooping around would even be bad. Honestly, it is your responsibility as a parent to know what your kids are doing.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 1:51 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Trust isn't a given- its EARNED. Being that she's in constant trouble, I'd say she's forfieted the trust you DID have in her.

    For a 12 year old, privacy is a non-issue...because there isn't any. She's living in your house, eating your food, wearing clothes that you brought her....unless she's paying some bills or providing for herself, then she's subject to random searches. I don't play that 'give your kids privacy' crap. Let her know exactly what you did....so what if she's mad at you? I mean, really, would it be the first time?

    Usually the parents spouting that 'privacy' nonsense are the ones who have kids in their basements making bombs that they know nothing about...
    .Peaches.

    Answer by .Peaches. at 4:34 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Thank you ladies for all your input!! It has really been valueable and helped!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Ok, that girl of yours does need some help for this kind of stuff, but when i was 12 i wrote my new years resolutions (which were VERY private for me, although 'getting a boyfriend' doesn't seem so top priority now) and was so embarrassed when my mom read it, even though the 2nd worst thing on there (in 12 year old standards) was 'lose 15 pounds' and I was close to underweight! My mom didn't do ANYTHING about it even when I started fad diets, so I guess you could say I was a twisted child. I promise you though, if your child finds out you've been snooping at all (I'm not saying you are) she will get very annoyed and most likely not trust you much anymore. But this is definitely something worth talking to her about.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

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