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in laws: does favoritism between your spouse & their sibling effect you & your kids?

basically, we feel cheated. we worked our butts off to be good parents/people & have to struggle on a daily basis to do what's best for our family. the favored sibling still lives with his parents (along with his wife & daughter). doesn't pay any bills. doesn't buy any groceries. doesn't have any responsibilities. he works at a minimum wage job & they have no intentions of moving out soon. my spouse's parents pay for EVERYTHING! (college, cell phone bills, even offered to pay daycare!) while we work hard & do the best we can, everyone needs help sometimes. whenever we ask for even the slightest amount of money- they "just can't do it right now." it doesn't seem fair that they expect us to suck it up, while they live in luxury. anyone else have any similar situations?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:49 AM on Feb. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • my grandparents are like that. My dad had to support two kids on $11 and hour (the government only allowed him $1200 a month for debt my mom put him in.) and my dads two sisters lived with my grandparents and my grandparents also paid my other aunts bills for her apartment. They still favor the other grandkids over my brother and I....
    And now they wonder why I NEVER take my DD over there...she is their first great granddaughter
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 1:57 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • it would effect me if my in laws had any money, because they OBVIOUSLY favor my husbands younger brother. all my MIL can talk about is my BIL's son, which they never see because BIL's ex gf went psycho and took her son away from BIL and then put a restraining order on him because he 'hit' her (i really dont know if thats true i wasnt there but i reallllly dont think he would do that)... anyway now he has to pay like $200 for supervised visits and my MIL and FIL never see him so hes all they talk about and im like 'okay i know you're hurting but you have a grandson RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!' i mean its not the same but i just wish they'd pay more attention to my son when i went over and not talked about their other grandson (who i have never met because his mother will make plans with me and then never call or show up and ignore me)
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 2:02 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I'm going to com eto you with a dif perspective...If you don't mind! My father in law seemed and did in many ways yo prefer my olfer BIL (no kids), but in his last days (we didn't and he didn't know he was going to die in 3 weeks on father's day of a heart attack) he told me how much admiration he had for my husband, and that although he had "favored" my older BIL that is was my husband who was the better man, better husband, better father (even though my BIL was and is not a father) he just knew my BIL didn't have it in him to be a selfless person. And he said he was most proud of my husband bcuz even though he is the youngest and had it the worst of the 3 bros he was the only real MAN. I'm just saying, they may do it all for your BIL but they prob cosider that struggle or no struggle your husband is more of a man and father then your BIL and ur BIL needs them more. Consider it a complament either way. You'll be happier 4 it.
    Happ-eToBme

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 5:40 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • OMG GIRL I TOTALLY FEEL YOUR PAIN. MY INLAWS ARE THE SAME WAY. THEY BABY MY HUSBANDS OTHER TWO SIBLINGS BUY THEM EVERYTHING FROM NEW CARS TO PAYING THERE BILLS. PAY THERE WAY THROUGH SCHOOL ETC. BUT THEY COULD GIVE THREE SHITS ABOUT US... WTF RIGHT!! TWO CHRISTMASES AGO THEY BOUGHT HIS BRO A BRAND NEW TRUCK AND GAVE US THE OLD JEEP HE USED TO HAVE AND ASKED US "NOW ISNT THIS A BLESSING". WE BOTH WORK FULL TIME DO PRETTY GOOD FOR OURSELVES AT OUR AGE AND DO NOT NEED NOR WANT HAND OUTS FROM THEM OR ANYONE SO THIS SITUATION REALLY PISSED ME OFF. NEEDLESS TO SAY I DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THEM AT ALL ANYMORE. AS FAR AS IM CONCERNED THEY KISS MY YOU KNOW WHAT!!!
    boogirlsmommy

    Answer by boogirlsmommy at 6:27 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • i say, don't go over there, why? torture yourselves, moms and dads, are always having favorites, nothing you can do about it, same thing happened with me, i just quit going around them,worked for what i need and wanted, no need for a hand out........... and g/ma's and g/pa's have thier favorites too, not fair, can't make someone like you, or even love you............
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Honestly, I understand where your comin from, but if you are out on your own shouldn't you suck it up? I mean even if they are using your husbands parents, that's them doing it. Your in_laws might just be trying to keep the peace. Their probably pissed about it as much as you are but they wouldn't put their grand daughter out.. You have to think about it from your in_laws views I'm sure if you and your husband couldnt make it theyd make room and extra money for your familyy too. Be glad you can say you do it on your own and when people ask where you live you dont have to say with your husbands parents. That can probably be embarressing at time's. Be happy you raise your family without help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

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